What a Beautiful Life

New Address

2010-04-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

Moving Day....... Well since the house isn't sold and I can't literally move. I am moving my blog address which is something I have needed to do for awhile. You can read all my old posts and all my new stuff too!

http://ourbeautifullifeblog.blogspot.com/

Can't wait to see you there!!

Easter Story

2010-03-30T16:59:00.000-07:00

My new all time favorite version......

You can't stop us!

2010-01-20T08:33:00.000-08:00

My heart is saddened today by the latest church to fall victim to the recent church fires here in East Texas. Fire fighters responded to a call at Prairie Creek in Lindale this morning. The prayer chapel was on fire. I doubt that was coincidence either.

What I guess frustrates me the most is that in all of the recent fires while this may be an inconvenience, it will in NO WAY hinder the church. The people of these churches have all responded with such a common resolve.

For centuries man has tried to crush the church. I am not talking about a denomination I am talking about the body of Christ. Jesus told Peter that he was the Rock on which the church would be built and the gates of Hell will not prevail against it.

Let's pray for our churches people!

Tomorrow

2010-01-18T08:22:00.000-08:00

So I woke up this morning thinking about tomorrow.

Tomorrow Todd goes back to work in Dallas. In my head I keep telling myself that it is no different than all the times before when he went to Dallas for a few days. However, it is different. January 19th was the day marked on the calendar that he would "officially" start in Dallas. He will still come to the Hawkins load center once or twice a week until March 26th which is their last day, but officially he is now employed at the Coppell office.

What all that means to me is that he will now "officially" be gone more than he will be home. :(

Someone showed the house this weekend while we were out, so that had my spirits up a little. In my head I know it would be best for us to not sell the house until late spring, so that Madelynn can finish school without a bunch of upheaval, but my heart just says that I don't want our family to be separated for that long.

In the end, it doesn' t matter what my heart wants or what my head thinks. The house will sell when it sells and we will be together again.

In the meantime we took the kids to Dallas this weekend to look around and let them do some fun things. We drove around looking at houses in the Frisco area. I liked it a lot and the schools seemed great. Now to find a house in our price range. We'll see.

We took the kids to the Grapevine Mills Mall and they really enjoyed it. We did glow in the dark Putt Putt and rode the miniature train and the carousel and then had supper at the Rainforest Cafe. They slept the whole way home. In all we really had a great time, but don't even get me started on Toll Roads. UGH!!!

I never carry cash with me, and so when we had to pay the $1.20 for the toll, I asked if they took debit cards. Um, no but you can write a check. GREAT!!! Except I just used my last check on Friday and I didn't grab a new checkbook. I thought Todd would kill me. He gave the standard "Sorry, we aren't from around here" as our excuse.

HEAVENS TO BETSY!!!

Compassion

2010-01-14T13:55:00.000-08:00

Last night, our little family of four crammed around the PC and studied pictures of children. Not just any children mind you, but the children who are waiting for sponsors from Compassion International. And not just any children from Compassion International, but ones who have been waiting over 6 months for a sponsor.

I have to thank Kelly for making such an impact on my life with her personal journey with Compassion that I had to become a part. Our family has always been committed to missions giving (it's the old school A/G way you know), but this seemed somehow more personal and more relevant. I wanted our children to see how our giving was impacting an individual life.

So last night we found Guiselle, she is 5 and will turn 6 in April just like my Madelynn. We thought that was super special that they could be and would be pen pals for life. We decided right then and there that when Zachary becomes school age and starts to write letters that we are going to sponsor a little boy to be his far away penpal/brother too! What a wonderful way to teach your children that they can make a difference.

So I am anxiously awaiting our packet with all of Guiselle's information. (Welcome to the Smith Family Guiselle!) In the face of the devastation in Haiti, I might feel overwhelmed like I can't do anything, but thanks to Compassion International, I can make a difference anywhere in the world.

Compassion is also making incredible headway in Haiti right now. There presence in that region is an absolute Godsend. If you want to help and don't really know how, just follow the link below.

https://www.compassion.com/contribution/giving/disasterrelief.htm

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

2009-12-17T12:18:00.001-08:00

While the rest of the preschool class was sweetly singing their Christmas Carols. This is what my son was doing.......

Final Exam

2009-11-23T13:48:00.000-08:00

Well the greatest test for the Smith's this year came right towards the end of 2009. Just when I thought we had passed all our tests! I guess this is like a Final Exam.

Todd was told last week that his job is being relocated to Coppell, TX which is a suburb of Dallas. So with much prayer and consideration it looks like all signs are pointing that we will relocate in 2010. Of course the house has to be sold first and who knows how long that will take in this economy?

But in all things we give thanks, because he has a job, and this year so many people are going without. My organizational planner self would like to jump off a cliff in the face of all these unknowns and uncertainties but, I am pretty proud of how I am handling it all in all. Learning to rest in His faithful arms is a life lesson, but I think I am getting the hang of it.

At first I kept dwelling on all the things that I would miss. My family, my church family, my work family, I even was upset that I wouldn't be able to use the same auto mechanic anymore. HA! But then the Holy Spirit whispered sweetly "Count Your Blessings"

I began to focus on all of the good things. And if I couldn't think of one; well then I would stop and re-evaluate until I came up with something. I am sure it sounds silly, but it really has helped to see that He always goes before us and that our steps are ordered by Him.

So I am not sure yet, but I think I may just Ace this Final!

Hosea 6:1-3

2009-10-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

¹ "Come, let us return to the LORD.
       He has torn us to pieces
       but He will heal us;
   He has injured us
       but He will bind up our wounds.

² After two days He will revive us;
on the third day He will restore us,
that we may live in His presence.

³ Let us acknowledge the LORD;
       let us press on to acknowledge Him.
       As surely as the sun rises,
   He will appear;
   He will come to us like the winter rains,
       like the spring rains that water the earth."

13 YEARS

2009-10-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the 13th Anniversary of my wedding. I thought I would post what I wrote to Mr. Smith.

13 Reasons Why I Still Love You:

1) Because I will never forget the first dance or the first kiss!

2) Because you were my friend before you were my boyfriend.

3) Because you are an incredible daddy and my kids love you to pieces.

4) Because you still think I am beautiful even though I can’t fit in my wedding dress anymore.

5) Because when I am really sad, you put your arms around me and say “Awe, poor baby”

6) Because we have secret jokes no one else will ever understand.

7) Because you forgave me for hiding from you that night and making you think the rapture had come. I still feel bad about that, but it was so funny!

8) Because when you talk about a story in the Bible, you always teach me something I didn’t know or show me something in a different light.

9) Because you have forgiven me a thousand times at least.

10) Because sometimes when you are laughing, or playing with the kids, or sometimes even when you are sleeping, you still look like a little boy.

11) Because you “get me”.

12) Because you’re the first person I want to talk to when I am happy, excited, mad, hurt or sad.

13) Because I promised to and I meant it.

HAPPY 13th ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Post I Never Wanted To Write

2009-10-01T13:22:00.001-07:00

So I am gathering all my courage to write this post. There is so much I need to say, but somehow writing what has happened in the last 2 weeks, makes it all seem more real and right now everything is still raw.

Thursday, September 17th I returned from lunch thinking that it was just another work day. My mom had told me that morning that my dad wasn't feeling well. He was working outside of Chicago and had called to say he woke up with a ringing in his ears.

The next thing I know I was getting a call from my mom that my dad was in an Emergency Room and had suffered a stroke. The next hour was a blur as I had to pack, make plane reservations and make arrangements for my kids and be on the road to Dallas to catch our flight all before they even made it home from school.

The next call from the neurologist in Indiana (he was in a hospital 30 minutes southeast of Chicago), was that my dad's stroke was very severe and that the situation looked very grim. The nurse held the phone up to him so I could talk to him, by then his speech was so slurred that he couldn't really respond.

My amazing super hero husband drove my mom and myself to Dallas to catch a flight to Chicago. We arrived around 11:00 pm and still had to rent a car and drive the 45 minute drive to Merrillville, Indiana. We finally got to my dad's bedisde at around 1 am.

For the next 4 days we barely left the hospital room except to eat and sometimes sleep. Most of the time we just slept at the hospital and we took turns getting a good night's sleep at the hotel. The following Monday, I had to go home because let's face it. I have a 3 yr old and a 5 yr old and while my hubby was being a wonderful daddy, I knew it was time to come home. I left not knowing when I would see my mom or dad again. I was just as worried at the point about my mom being left up there as I was about my dad. Luckily my brother works 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off and he was able to stay with my mom throughout the rest of that week.

Once I got home I immediately started working on getting my dad transferred back to Texas. I wanted to know at what point he had to recover before they would do a medical transfer. It was no easy job finding a company who would do a non emergency GROUND transport for over 930 miles. Thank You God for Ameritrans. They were wonderful and took such good care of my daddy.

To make a long story short, on my birthday (yesterday) I drove to Tyler and anxiously waited to meet the transport team and my dad. What an incredible birthday gift! He still has a long road ahead of him with therapy and rehab, but praise God he is in Texas!!!

I am still wrapping my brain around the fact that this has all happened in less than 2 weeks. It is difficult to compute. And don't even get me started on the emotional rollercoaster.

So for the few of you faithful readers left at my blogspot. Please take a moment to remember my dad. And ask that the Lord would speak to his heart during this time. If I have learned nothing else from this situation it is that our days are not promised and are time here is so short.

So if your daddy is still with you. Take a moment tonight, pick up the phone and tell him that you love him.

This is daddy learning how to walk again.

I know I know!

2009-09-14T06:28:00.001-07:00

I know what your thinking. You've about given up on me. I am so sorry that I took such a hiatus, but things have been so crazy and every time I even started to blog I just didn't even know where to start.

Madelynn started kindergarten at the end of August and Zachary started preschool the first part of September, so that was a big deal in our house just trying to adjust to a new schedule. I think we are all starting to get the hang of it.

Todd and I are both under a little bit of pressure as there are a lot of things going on behind the scenes and we are trusting God that HE alone is in control of the situation. Please remember us in your prayers and hopefully I will be able to say more in the coming weeks.

I was asked back in June to speak at a day retreat for the women of our church and boy have I been excited, anxious, nervous, ect.... That has taken a lot of my free time as I have been praying and preparing for this past weekend. We had around 30 women in attendance and I really believe more than anything else that I was able to speak from my heart.

I have already heard some incredible testimonies from what God did in the hearts of so many of the women. What an AWESOME GOD we serve. I came home from the retreat Saturday night feeling exhausted but content that I had given it my ALL!

So now that I feel you are adequately updated, I hope to begin to write again and not be such a stranger.

Heavens to Betsy!!!

Nesting

2009-08-06T12:32:00.000-07:00

I love normalcy.

I am a friend of consistency.

I like things you can count on.

That's why I have such a problem with change.

Now I didn't happen to be this way always. Something about motherhood made me into a lifetime nester. I like to settle down and get comfy.

But I am learning that God doesn't see nesting as such a good thing. When we become safe and comfy in our own little world, we start to lose our dependency upon Him. Right?

When my feathers get ruffled and my nest starts to unravel I run right to the Father. (Which is a very good thing.) That's exactly what He wants me to do.

So while the world has seemed a bit topsy turvy as of late, and I fear the ride has just begun, I've been hiding out under the Shadow of the Almighty.

And it's a pretty sweet place to be!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

2009-07-23T06:35:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU!

This week has been just crazy. I work till 5 at the office and then I leave to go to my other job, my crew leading job at VBS. Crew leading 10 preschoolers for 2 hours sounded like so much fun when I signed up! So why do I now have a stomach ulcer, a head cold and possibly a few thousand torn ligaments?

No seriously, while it has been exhausting I have loved watching their little faces and how much they soak up. I mean really they are like little sponges, learning and retaining all that we can dish out.

So many times I have thanked God for keeping His hand on my life and keeping me in church when my life could have turned out so differently. And I think back to all the VBS, Awanas, Missionettes, Youth Groups, Fellowship Groups and Summer Camps and know that every seed planted during those childhood and early teenage years was harvested as I became a woman of God. So to all the VBS workers, Summer Camp Dorm Leaders, Fellowship Group Co-Leaders, ect....

Thank You for Giving to the Lord. I am a life that was changed!

2009-07-07T13:25:00.000-07:00

This week on Blog Hop, it favorite photo week. This was a picture a friend took of my kiddo's first tailgating experience. It will always be treasured by this LSU momma!

Dreams Really Do Come True!

2009-07-06T06:42:00.000-07:00

This weekend was packed with fun and festivities. I had a great time visiting with friends and family and celebrating our nation's birthday so to speak. This is Madelynn & Zachary at LSU going to see Mike the Tiger.

This is Mike VI. He was pretty hot and kept pacing trying to find a cooler place to chill and this is the best shot I could get of him. The kids think that no visit to Baton Rouge is complete without a visit to see Mike.

The Friday before the 4th was filled with seeing as many old friends as possible. Todd and I had lunch with Antoinette at Roman's Deli and I finally got to have some Chicken Shawarma. If you had told me 10 years ago that I would one day have cravings for Lebanese food I would never have believed you! We had dinner plans with the Duplechains and so the only time left was in between to see everyone else, so around 4 pm, we met a crew at the Cold Stone Creamery so we could goo goo and gah gah over these little guys!

My friend Tiffinie had Anna Kate and Brody, on December 31st and what a blessing they were to a family who also had prayed so long for a child of their own. I have shared before our struggle and prayer to have a family and it was a double blessing for me to see my two feeding her two! God is just too good to put into words sometimes. When we place our dreams in His powerful hands, our dreams really do come true!

We left out early Sunday morning to come home. It is always bittersweet when I realize that as much as I love my old stomping ground, I am always so ready to come home. The kids were happy to be in their own beds last night and so was I!

Today it is back to the daily grind yet somehow I have a renewed sense of gratitude for all that God has richly blessed me with.

It feels like coming home.

2009-07-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

I have lived in Texas over 7 years now. My kids were both born here and our life is here. I love my life; So all in all, Texas is home.

Except for whenever I go home. Home to Baton Rouge. No matter how much it changes, and how much my life is so different, when I drive across the Mississippi from Port Allen into Baton Rouge. It just feels like coming home.

I love having a connection with something that isn't tangible or even easily explainable. I don't have a house to go back to, or even any family remaining there. Yet somehow it is part of me and it always will be.

I am going home tomorrow night for the 4th. I am so excited. Friends, Family and Great Food. I will get some pictures posted when I get home.... from being home. :o)

I would like to introduce you to...

2009-06-26T09:42:00.000-07:00

Okay blogworld.

I need to introduce you to a friend. Or should I say a friend's mom.

This is Susan Longmire's blog.

You have to go over to her blog and if you are ever anywhere near Baton Rouge, LA you have to visit her store in downtown Denham. It is so super sweet and has something for everyone.

If you like, shopping, antiquing, scrapbooking or all of the above you just have to see. The whole family is just so stinkin creative. It's disgusting really!

I am going to be visiting Baton Rouge next week and I am trying to figure out how and when to make a trip to Denham (without the kids in tow). Where there is a will there is a way!

When I was growing up I had the pleasure of being friends with not one but both of Mrs. Susan's daughters. I just can't even put into words of how great this family is. So many memories so much laughter and my oh my, SO MANY PUFF PAINT SHIRTS!!

I hope you all have a chance to visit Mothers and Daughters. But be prepared; cause once you visit, you will want to stay!

I've got the photos to prove it!

2009-06-20T19:37:00.001-07:00

See below evidence that my husband has now been living in Texas too long.

Todd started wearing these to work instead of dress shoes. Really I mean next I will be wearing broomstick skirts.

Heavens to Betsy!

I would die for that

2009-06-09T09:20:00.000-07:00

You may not know this since my blog started after I had my two babies. Todd and I struggled with infertility issues for years. We were married in 1996 and Madelynn was not born until 2004. I have such a heart for women who struggle with this pain. I will never forget the first time I heard a doctor tell me that I may never conceive a child on my own. But thank God, He is bigger than any diagnosis.

I found this video on one of the blogs I read and thought how amazing it was! I can remember how excruciating Mother's Day services at church used to be for me. To all my sister's out there praying to have a child. Please email me and let me know and I will be believing with you!

Life in General

2009-06-05T05:51:00.000-07:00

I am realizing that it has been a while since I just posted about life in general.

That's due largely in part to the fact that I am so busy doing life in general, that I don't usually stop to blog about.

But I'm working on it.

So here goes.

This little gem of a girl has just graduated preschool.

She is five and starts kindergarten this fall. She has to go today for her immunizations and she is not too happy about it. (I think she has to get four shots.)

Needless to say, I am not looking forward to it either.

She had her dance recital over Memorial Day weekend. She is quite the little diva. She gets it honest.

Next we have this little guy.

This is while we were at Dinosaur World in Glenrose. He had a fabulous time! He just made 3 1/2 and I have to admit that my sweet little guy that was such an easy baby and tenderhearted toddler, is NO MORE.

About a month ago I woke up and realized that someone or something had possessed my innocent little lamb. I am hoping it's just a phase. Re-Establishing boundaries and testing limits. You know all that fun stuffs. If I survive, I'll let you know how it all turns out.

Mr. Smith is hard at work right now. As many of you know, when the summer hits, the water industry is in full swing. So I think we have a date together sometime in mid September. (HEEHEE)

Life is full right now, but oh so sweet!

FEAR

2009-06-02T13:26:00.001-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about fear lately. Not like a huge fear that makes you afraid to leave your house or paranoid to talk to strangers. I've been thinking about all the thousands of little fears that rule in your life everyday. Those second thoughts you give to everyday situations instead of going with your gut.

Lately, I have noticed how much I am lead by fear. Not that fear is always a bad thing, but when you realize it is creeping it's way into every aspect of your life, it's a VERY bad thing!

Those who know me well, know that I am addicted to blogs. I can't write nearly as much as I would like to on here, because I spend entirely too much time reading other peoples blogs. Most people don't understand the attraction to blogs. I don't care about blogs that are just a mimic of someone else's. I love the blogs that are in a very real and raw way a window to that person's soul. One minute they are writing about what they cooked for dinner and the next they are unveiling a secret hurt or future goal. It is very enlightening to me.

A few weeks ago I was reading one of my favorite blogs and I felt compelled to leave a comment. Now this is a big deal for me because I would not be an anonymous reader any longer I would be participating on this blog that I read daily. And then she would know who I was, and she would see my blog and how pathetic it is in comparison. All of a sudden I was sick over a comment that was meant to encourage one of my favorite authors. Talk about sad.

When did I get to this place that I am fearful of even absolute strangers? The other night I started wondering what someone would think if they saw my facebook page. Would they think I was funny, boring, a simpleton, a redneck, a wannabe. I started editing my facebook page and deleting anything that showed me in a poor light. RIDICULOUS!

That's fear. Fear of others, fear of man, fear of man's opinions. What's worse is that my relationship with my Creator in many ways is based on fear. I mean I love my Father God completely, but a lot of what I do in my daily walk is out of obligation and fear.

I am one who likes boundaries; they make me feel safe. Grace makes me nervous. I don't get it. I don't deserve it. It doesn't make sense to me.

Black and White makes me feel safe. A list of rules makes me feel fine. Do this list, don't do this list and you will be okay. That works good for me. I can measure myself against it. Freedom, liberty these things aren't tangible; I can't measure them. They make me feel inadequate.

I would love to wrap up this post with the part of the story where I have a moment of Great Enlightment and I figure it all out.

I'm not there yet.

Sorry guys.

For now you will have to accept my useless wonderings.

Day Dreams

2009-05-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

Do you day dream? Do you have dreams about your future that you have carried with you for decades?

I do.

I have always dreamed of when I am older. I mean like GRANDMA older.

I have a white house with green shutters that is set back off the road. I have a blonde cocker spaniel named Shug that follows me everywhere. I have a huge cookie jar full of homeade cookies that beckons my grandkids when they come to visit.

And then, I have the woods. Not the scary kind of woods that you can't see into. Just the serene woods that all children like to wander through. And when I am old, and my children are grown, I will walk in those woods. I will make up stories to tell my grandchildren about the history of the woods and I will fuss at Shug for getting wet and muddy chasing after a little green frog.

After awhile we will return to the house with the green shutters and sit on the porch. I will drink sweet tea and sing old hymns. I will rock my grandbabies to sleep on the porch while I sing.....

"Oh Yes, Oh Yes

I'm a Child of the King

His Royal Blood

Now Flows in my Veins

And I who was Wretched

And Poor, now can Sing!

Praise God!

I'm a Child of the King.

GREAT GIVEAWAY

2009-05-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

For the four of you that still read my blog I wanted to give you the down low on a great giveaway going on at "We are that Family". If you haven't checked out this blog before, you don't know what you are missing. Follow the hyperlink below to see all the details of the awesome DaySpring giveaway.

http://www.wearethatfamily.com/2009/05/lovely-huge-dayspring-giveaway.html

An Easter Sunday Lesson

2009-04-17T08:25:00.000-07:00

Okay so I know it is almost a week since Easter but I thought I would share with you my Easter Sunday Lesson that I learned this year.

For the past 4 weeks my family has been visiting a new church here in town. And while we have enjoyed the services and the people are precious, let's face it, starting over isn't easy. It's sometimes downright painful. Nevertheless we have persevered and every week gets easier.

Easter was going to be the Big One! Not only were we attending Sunday School (where you really let people get to KNOW you), but we were staying after the service for the children's Easter Egg Hunt and dinner on the grounds.

The wannabe Mother of the Year comes out in me on moments like this. It's as if I feel like there are imaginary judges somewhere, grading me. So of course everything had to be just right. Easter outfits for the whole family (even though they wouldn't have known if they were knew our not), perfect Sunday dishes to present for the dinner on the grounds and all with the grace and assurance of a young Martha Stewart.

I was baking a dessert the Saturday before because it has to be served chilled. So that put me ahead of the game for Sunday morning. I was also bringing chicken and dressing since it is one of my hubby's favs. I made the cornbread the night before and planned to boil the chicken early Sunday morning and pop it in the oven.

Everything started off fine. I started the chicken boiling before I got into the shower. When I got out, I went to preheat the oven and shredded the chicken. After shredding the chicken and placing everything in the casserole dish I went to put it in the oven when low and behold the oven wasn't on. How did I forget to preheat the oven? I must be losing it. No worries, I still had plenty of time. I turn the dial to the oven again and went to put the casserole dish in when much to my dismay the oven went off AGAIN! I hadn't forgot to preheat it, IT WAS BROKEN!!!!

I panicked "This can not be happening." It worked just fine last night. Any other time I could call my neighbor down the street. But this is Easter Sunday and we both discussed what all we were cooking for our Sunday dinner. I can't go to a new church and have just a dessert or a pathetic rendition of chicken and dressing. My husband saw my distress and tried to assist, but since his idea of helping was to microwave it, I thought I better just figure this one out on my own.

I kept turning it on and it kept cutting right back off. I tried to get the kids dressed while I thought up a miracle. My attitude was getting worse by the second. My poor children beautifully adorned in their new Easter outfits and hyped up on chocolate Easter everything were watching their mother turn into a psycho. It was then and there that I made a decision.

I marched into my room, closed the door and sat at my vanity. It was time to give myself a stern lecture. "Look here little girl, this is absolutely ridiculous. Today is not about perfect first impressions, or scrumptious covered dishes, or new Easter clothes or any such foolishness. Today your Savior is alive and seated at the right hand of the Father interceding for your pitiful self. That is what today is about!" Needless, to say I put my Big Girl pants on and got over it.

I brought my uncooked dressing to the church and baked it in the church's oven during Sunday School. It was just fine. I think Someone was wanting to teach me a lesson. We got home that afternoon ready to crash after a Super Easter Sunday.

..................Oh! And guess whose oven worked perfectly when she got home?

The Bible Says.....

2009-04-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my daughter informed me of her latest Biblical knowledge.

"Mommy, the Bible says you should not eat off of any one else's plate."

"It does; Where does it say that?"

"In Chapter 89"

"In Chapter 89?"

"Yeah in Chapter 89, on the left page."

So there you have it Bible Scholars!

CONFESSION

2009-04-07T12:42:00.000-07:00

I have a CONFESSION............

I LOVE the dollar store. It doesn't matter if it is Dollar General, Family Dollar, or Everything's a Dollar. There is something about coming out of a store with arms full of bags and not having to feel guilty about it.

It is one of my favorite pleasures in life. And really you just never know what you might find there. It is like going on a treasure hunt. I have to say I take pride in the fact that I am not too good for the Dollar Store. It has been a friend to me. Does this make me sound pathetic?

Tough Choices

2009-04-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like life is a series of tough choices? Lately, I have had to make some tough choices. I have been contemplating the dreams, goals and aspirations in my life. There is a process to dreaming really. There is the birth of the dream. New birth can be difficult but extremely exciting and filled with anticipation. Then there is the life of the dream. It can be tiring at times but it is mostly filled with great joy. It is the reward of your work and perseverance. Unfortunately like all things that are born there is a death to any dream. A necessary end. Usually the mourning and loss hurt deeply.

I have been weighing all the dreams that are spinning out of control in my head and asking myself if I have it in me to take on all these things? You see, even the greatest accomplishments come with a hefty price tag. Many times we sacrifice one thing to gain another. When you are a mother you have to be careful that your wanting and wishing doesn't come at the expense of your family.

My greatest endeavor is to "walk out my faith" in front of my children. My everyday lifestyle becomes their definition of Christianity. It is a responsibility like none other. If in my pursuit for Godly things, I neglect my precious family, have I not failed in the greatest calling in my life?

It is not easy to step back from our wants and our wishes and lay aside what is rewarding for what is necessary. In some ways it is our greatest service to Him. It is a tough choice to daily take up your cross and follow Him. Especially when the way is foreign, lonely and sometimes dark.

A Veil of Sadness

2009-03-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

Last week was amazing. Exhausting, but still amazing. I was in Orlando at Disney for a whole week, my mom and I with the two kiddos in tow. Todd flew in mid week and got a couple of days in at the park.

I was concerned that getting back into the swing of things would be difficult, especially since I was so tired. Fortunately, I jumped back into the daily grind with not a moment's hesitation. I was so glad just to be back to normalcy, and truly I love my life.

That is why I was so taken back this morning. I started out with my normal morning regimen until I got to the shower part. It was as if when I turned on the water instead I was covered in a veil of sadness. Whispers from the past were all around me and out of nowhere; I was sobbing. I fought the urge to weep all morning.

I can't quite say that the day has gotten any better as far as the emotional rollercoaster goes, but I have managed to put on my big girl panties and just work through it.

Where does this come from? I mean how did it happen? I went to bed fine and woke up a basket case. This can not be normal. I mean is this some spiritual sign that I should be tapping into. Am I supposed to be interceding for something/someone. I just don't know.

I only know that a veil of sadness seems all around me today. Turn on the news, sadness. Co workers losing loved ones nearly every week for the last 2 months. Cancer on every corner. Loss, suffering, pain, hunger and death. The world seems bathed in affliction. And all of a sudden it seems so magnified today. Even worse my heart is breaking.

My hope is in Him.

Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!

2009-02-17T07:32:00.001-08:00

Okay so it finally happened. My angelic 4 year old little girl said her first really BAD word. It is the c word, which to some is not even considered a bad word anymore, to me as a mother it is not acceptable from my 4 year old daughter's mouth. What upset me most is that when she said it, she said it with a purpose to shock and to defy me, because I had just told her that she was having a bad attitude and if she couldn't say anything nice, not to say anything at all.

I am not even going to delve into how I responded and the tirade that went on for the next 15 minutes. Leave it to say that it was not one of my finer moments.

As with any time that my children disappoint I tend to turn introspective and start asking myself, what am I doing to cultivate peace in my home, to cultivate a good attitude and a gentle spirit? How has my attitude been as of late? I didn't really like my answers. The hardest part about parenting is knowing that these little people are at times the best and the worst reflection of ourselves. And while I am not condoning or excusing her potty mouth this morning, when I pick her up from playschool, I will hug her tightly and pray that God will give me a greater understanding of how to guide this little angel straight from my arms to His!

Red Letter Campaign

2009-02-16T06:40:00.000-08:00

If you haven't heard of the Red Letter Campaign, here is your chance. It's so easy, just follow the steps below.

1.) Find some red envelopes (if you don't have some, make some out of red construction paper)

2.) Don't write anything on the inside.

3.) Mail to:

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500

4.) On the back write: this envelope represents one child who died in abortion. It is empty because that life was not allowed to offer anything to the world. Life begins with conception

The idea is simple. Bombard the White House with red envelopes to remind President Obama that the majority of Americans do not support his abortion policy.

I think this will be a great project to do with my little ones. I will print the labels and they can stick them on the envelopes.

Mid Week Musings

2009-02-11T17:07:00.000-08:00

It's only Wednesday and I feel like I need a weekend already! The kids have both had a rash all week. So between the steroids that keep them up at night and the itching that keeps them up at night, mommy is one tired lady.

This weekend is Valentine's and my mom has graciously offered (okay she didn't offer but she did agree) to keep the kids for Saturday night. Todd and I are off to Dallas to the Renaissance Hotel in Downtown Dallas and we have reservations at the Y O Ranch Steakhouse.

It's only for the night, but boy am I looking forward to getting away. Just to laugh and talk without interruption! The funny thing is, that whenever we go away we usually spend a good deal of the time, talking about the kids! It is always nice to talk and plan and dream together about the future. It's a reminder that before this crazy phase of our lives we were always together and enjoying each other's company.

I have seen so many relationships through the years that seem to get "lost" during parenting. The kids grow up and move away and all of a sudden they don't know each other anymore. I am so grateful that before I fell in love with Todd he had already become one of my best friends. We have never lost that closeness. Beyond the passion and attraction that rises and falls throughout the course of time, we are each other's favorite people. And for that, I am truly blessed!

Confused

2009-01-28T12:42:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else out there ever feel helplessly confused? I don't mean this as a rhetorical question. I welcome your comments. But as evidenced by the lack of comments as of late, I am afraid no one is even reading this thing anymore.
I am committed to this blog none the less. It is a journal of sorts for me. I look back and read things I wrote in 2006 and think, WOW. The Smith family has come a long way. It gives me some prespective at times.
As to the confusion, I wish there was a way to put it into words. I would love to do some soul searching and be able to spell it all out, but unfortunately, the more I think about it the more it enlarges.
This thing, this doubt or worry or fear or whatever it is just keeps getting bigger. It's like little bunnies in my mind breeding. Everytime I think or try not to think about it, it seems to multipy.
I think I am now not even sure how it started or what I was confused about in the beginning. It's as if doubt breeds more doubt until nothing seems real, nothing seems sure, nothing seems solid.
I am sure by now that none of this is making much sense, which is all the more upsetting. I can't even break it down into something someone can understand. Is it religion, relationships, or both. Is it grace, or faith? Is it relative or absolute? I have no idea. None of it makes any sense to me. None of the words carry any weight with me anymore. I mean really; what does it all mean?

Zachasouras

2009-01-15T05:59:00.000-08:00

Last April I posted a letter to my daughter, and thought it was time to do the same for my son. If not for anything else but to document for later years, what they are doing and what they are into at this time in their lives. I am learning all to quickly how fast they change right before your eyes. So my little man, this is for you!

Dear Zachary,

You are three years old. My mind can barely compute how you have changed from my baby into a energetic, curious little boy. I look at you while you sleep and think back to a time a little over three years ago, as I sat in a NICU ward beside your little bin, and I begged God not to take you from me. At that moment I had only the faith to believe that God was good and He could touch your little lungs and make you well. I never imagined the joy you would become and the laughter that would fill our home because of you.

You are a night owl. You like to stay up late and sleep in late. You are usually the last one to finally drift to sleep and you hate being woke up in the morning. But once you are awake, there is nothing stopping you. You are 100% all day. You are very seldom every cranky or whiny. You are just always so much fun. You love trains and trucks but your most recent obsession is dinosaurs. You talk about them all day long. Sometimes I catch you playing in your room alone with a lap full of plastic dinosaurs and you are in another world. It is so much fun to watch your creative mind at play.

I made up a song especially for you called "Are you a dinosaur?" We sing it together now and sometimes I think we sing it 100 times a night.

You love to go to church and you love to sing at church too! I think sometimes you might even love to sing more than Madelynn. I must confess I dream of the day that we might all be singing in church together. Whether that becomes a reality or not, my greatest wish is that we will always be in church together. Loving Jesus and loving each other. That your love for Him will grow bigger and bigger, right before my eyes, Just as your little self keeps growing too.

I am trying to embrace every day I have with you and your sister. Knowing that all too soon, you will be grown and this very special time will just be a memory. So while I have you here so close to me, I will love you with all I have, and thank my Heavenly Father for the gift He gave me in you!

I love you my little Zachasouras!

Merry Christmas Anna!

2008-12-11T08:08:00.000-08:00

Well it's the Christmas season and this is the first year I can ever remember not being absolutely overwhelmed by the holidays. We have recently started attending a new church and so the new start meant we weren't committed to 100 different things throughout the holidays. God in His sovereignty new that my little guy would be having surgery even before I did and then all my commitments would have gone out the window anyway.

I am trying to be a little deeper this Christmas, not just taking the season for the usual. Jesus is the Reason, Wise Men Still Seek Him, and Mary Did You Know, have lost their effect on me. I began to study the story in Luke. I have read it and re-read it, and something new has come so alive to me.

It is the small mention of a very significant person towards the end of the story. Her name is Anna and she was a prophetess. She was widowed and spent the rest of her life dedicated to worship, prayer and fasting in temple. She was the first woman to look at the baby, still in infancy and see Him for what He really was, her long awaited Redeemer.

The Shepherds were sent by the angels, the Magi followed a star, but in an instant, just one glance, Anna knew the Messiah. Even as a babe, she knew He was her Savior. She went throughout the temple rejoicing and telling of His significance. That small story leaves me asking myself so many questions.

How many people were at the temple that day? How many passed Joseph and Mary, congratulated them on their new arrival and never knew He was the Christ? How many times do I go to the house of God (the temple) out of ritual or routine and pass right by the Savior? How many lives are committed to prayer the way that Anna was? The veil was not yet torn, she could not experience the very real presence of God the way that I can, yet she worshipped continually because of who He was, the God of Moses, the God of Abraham. She worshipped with her whole life and in return she saw the Son of God years before the rest of the world even cared that He existed.

This Christmas season I am focusing less on the typical holiday banter and going deeper. I want to know that I will recognize Him when I see Him. I want to be that close to Him. I want to know His voice. I don't want to miss Him this Christmas.

Out on a limb

2008-11-05T08:47:00.000-08:00

Okay so I am going out on a limb here. I think there are many people with lots of opinions and emotions today based on the results of the elections. I am not ashamed in the least to say that the president elect is NOT the man I gave my vote to. BUT, there is something that compels me to write in the wake of the MANY emails, comments, ect.... that I have read already in regards to my view of what to do now.

I don't believe there is any confusion as to what the Word of God has to say in regards to what are duty is now. It is I am afraid something that some will find impossible to submit to. We are now to pray for our leader. Before you argue, I urge you to see what the Scripture instructs us to do in I Timothy 2:1-4.

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving bemade for everyone—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

If ever there was a time to pray for our leader it is now. Re-read the last part of verse 4. "who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth."

Winds of Change (Part 2)

2008-10-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

Many months back I shared about the Winds of Change and how I felt so strongly that the Lord was saying to be prepared for the Winds of Change to come. I knew He was saying to me "Be prepared for not just a small breeze that refreshes and soothes the soul, but a strong forceful blowing wind that unsettles and "messes up" the normal condition of things."
I believe that in His infinite wisdom He was preparing me then for the things I couldn't see. the winds of change have come and the storm has blown and blown fiercely. Things have been torn down that will never exist the same way again. Yet in the midst of the uncertainty and the aftermath of the windstorm, I still know that God knew what He was doing!
I don't have to understand the why to know that He is working it all for my good. And even in the midst of the storm, I can truly say that when He speaks, "Peace, be still!" The winds do obey.
So to all my friends out there in the midst of their own storms, Hold on Tight! Collect what can be redeemed from the debris and what God has torn to pieces......Leave it There!!!

Dreams

2008-10-02T16:43:00.000-07:00

Falling Falling

Dreams are falling

Tumbling to the Ground

In the midst of

Dying Dreams

God's purposes are found

Rising Rising

Hope is rising

from my heart to His

Within the will of

The Divine

I'll do just as He bids

Ending Ending

Never Ending

is His love for me

and if I will but

Follow Him

I'll live Eternally

Betsy Smith

A Little Trip to Branson

2008-09-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

Well the Smith's just returned from the Ozarks and we had a blast. We got there Thursday evening and unpacked, ate a quick supper in the condo and then headed to the pool.

When we woke up Friday we headed out for Silver Dollar City and spent the day there. We had so much fun and there was really something there for the whole family.

Saturday started out at the IMAX theatre and then on to the Butterfly Palace. After naps we went out to eat and to the Toy Museum. Our trip home Sunday was long but the kids did so well. They have gotten so much better about traveling.

We were so disappointed at first about Hurricane Ike messing up our plans to go to Galveston, but I truly don't think we could have had any more fun than we did in Branson. It is a trip we will do many more times through the years I am sure. Thanks to everyone that prayed for us to have a good trip. We so enjoyed our special time away!

Philippians 2:14

2008-08-16T19:33:00.000-07:00

Recently we have been trying to overcome a whining/crying hurdle with our 4 year old, Madelynn. Typically she is a high energy child with lots of creativity and expression. This week she has been abnormally busy for one little 4 year old and I fear that her tiredness has turned into a case of constant crankiness. I let her sleep in this morning and made her take a nap too, but it's seems the crankies are here to stay. She has cried like a PMS nightmare all day.

I have tried everything. Extra cuddling and reassurance. Talking her through her emotions to get to the root of what is really bothering her. Tonight she just went back and forth from me and her dad crying, whining and begging to be held, sung to and rocked.

Finally after the 5th emotional outburst I had had it! I said "That's it Madelynn. I don't know what you want, you don't know what you want. I am tired of trying. Just go to bed." (Now, while there was some wisdom in the fact that at this point she probably needed another nights sleep more than anything else, I was struck with my own hypocrisy within that statement. )

How many times have I had the same attitude with my Heavenly Father, crying and complaining and sometimes not even clear why I am not thankful for all He has done for me? I have begged and demanded, whined and complained. Yet never once has He said "That's it, I am done with you." Oh to have His long suffering.

So while I am far from where I need to be as a mother or as His child, I will wake my sweet daughter in the morning with a kiss on her sweet face. But while she sleeps tonight, I will kneel by her bed and pray that God gives me the patience that only comes from His Spirit, and the wisdom to be the example to my children that He has commanded me to be.

"Do all things without murmuring and complaining." Phil. 2:14

Together

2008-07-15T12:24:00.001-07:00

May we always remember that life works better together than apart. Life was meant to be shared. Sharing is hard sometimes. Hard for small children and sometimes harder for adults. God give us the ability to share what we have and learn to ask for what we have not.

Perfect Peace

2008-07-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

Back in 1993, (wow 15 years ago) in Mr. Anzivino's Bible class we memorized a short scripture in Isaiah 26:3. I had no idea then how much that one little scripture would impact my life.

"He will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Him, because He trust in Him."

This scripture has become like a prescription for my spirit man. Anytime I began to have anxiety or feel lost, I stop and ask myself? "Is your mind stayed on Him?", many times the answer is a resounding "NO!!!"

Even in the middle of the night, when I wake with a start after a bad dream, or I am awake wishing I could sleep, but worrying over some financial matter, or child's illness, I began to meditate on this scripture and force myself to replace the worries with thoughts or scriptures about Him.

Through the hardest trials in my life I begin to double up on my prescription so to say. More quiet time, more personal devotion, worship music in the morning as I dress for the day, bathing myself in the Word and with prayer. By taking this scripture literally I have been able to learn that "Perfect Peace" comes with "Perfect Trust". The trusting is always the hard part.

When covered by His presence and with the Word, the trusting does come easier though, and once the trusting starts the peace always follows.

"Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His Word

Just to rest upon His Promise

and to know"Thus Saith the Lord!"

A Letter to My Daughter

2008-05-21T14:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Madelynn:

You are only four years old and I know you can't read this, but some day you will. I want to tell you all about the way you are right now.

You are beautiful. Not just to me but to everyone who knows you. Sometimes I watch you dancing and spinning in the sunshine and my breath catches in my throat at the miracle you are. You are girly and silly, you love picking flowers and anything to do with princesses. You love making up stories and silly songs. You are very creative.

You also have already developed a special love for your Heavenly Father. And even though there is still a lot you don't understand; you get what matters most. That he loves you just the way you are.

You are not perfect, you get cranky and whiny when you are tired and talk back way more than you should. But even in those moments, you are the most precious gift in my life.

I only hope I give you every opportunity to be all that you can be. You have the potential to be so much. Reach for the stars my love. They have been sparkling in your blue eyes since the day you where born. Fall in love with Jesus before you fall in love with anyone or anything else and He can take you all the way to the Heavens!! Literally.

I love you my princess.

Mommy

Winds of Change

2008-05-04T15:17:00.001-07:00

Last Thursday the worship team and several of the church intercessors met for a time of worship and prayer at the new building. As I began praying and singing in the Spirit, I felt a phrase coming up within me. I began to sing about the Winds of Change. I sang that they would come and blow through the church affecting all present.
I thought later about how when a wind comes it usually changes the scenery. No one ever comes away from a strong wind with their hair all in place and their clothes not disheveled. I wonder how many times I have detoured the winds because of my own fear of the change that comes with the wind.
I studied quiet a bit in the days that followed about winds. The old testament talks often of the winds blowing from the four quarters of heaven and in Psalms it says that the winds are subject to the divine power.
I am now more certain than ever that the Winds of Change are coming and I am ready for not just the power from the wind, but the change too!

A Piece of the Puzzle

2008-02-19T10:59:00.000-08:00

I am realizing that my biggest battle in life is the battle with myself. I fight harder with me than anyone else. To explain I should say it doesn't have to do with self-esteem or self hatred or anything of that nature.
I struggle the most with the battle of my own emotions. I wish I was one of those people that was just consistent. I wish I woke every morning ready to face the day and that I didn't feel up one day and down the next. I refuse to be lead by my emotions otherwise I wouldn't battle so hard. I don't want my day, or the way I speak to my family or my productivity at work to be determined by how I feel in that moment.
I want to be like Paul in Philippians 4:11...
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance"
I guess that it is the struggle. Contenment. I don't mean that I am not thankful or grateful for what I have. I just mean that there has always been a restlessness inside me. I want to feel settled. I don't want to feel anxious, especially when there isn't really anything to be anxious about.
I have been meditating on Scriptures and I do believe that helps, but I can't help but feel like I am still missing a piece of the puzzle.

A New Start

2008-01-02T13:56:00.000-08:00

Well this year I can truly say that I am glad to see the holidays end. Don't be misled, it's not that I didn't enjoy them and appreciate all the gifts and family and food and festivities. Our Christmas started the Saturday before and didn't end until the Saturday after. Even Christmas becomes tiresome when it last a week.

The thing that was most alarming is that New Years came and went like just another day this year. No time for contemplative reflection or deep soul searching. We didn't make it back into town from Baton Rouge until New Years Eve and then there was the Christmas lights and decor to pack up in the attic, a grocery list to prepare and then acquire, 6 loads of clothes to wash, dry, fold and put away, unpacking of the luggage and making room for all the gifts we brought back with us. Somehow the day was over before I realized it.
Today I am back at work and wondering how on earth can I make a new start when I barely even noticed the whistle blew?
Then ever so gently I hear a familiar voice. It is just above a whisper. "Betsy, I make all things new!" A peace that passes my mortal understanding envelopes me and I know that I have not missed out. I tore out a sheet of paper and started writing furiously. A short simple prayer of blessing on these few year long goals and I suddenly have a totally new perspective.
I am ready for come what may, I have plans and I have goals but my constant is sweeter than all these......
For I know that my Redeemer lives and I shall stand with Him on that day!

You better watch out....

2007-11-18T17:56:00.001-08:00

Let's just say not everyone was happy about Santa Claus coming to town!

Holding Hands

2007-11-12T07:53:00.000-08:00

The other day as I was walking my daughter across the street for playschool. As we were walking up the curb to the sidewalk, my daughter started to stumble. Because I was holding her hand, I lifted her up so she wouldn't scrape her knee. I said "See why Mommy makes you hold her hand, so that I can keep you from falling."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Isn't that just how our Heavenly Father feels towards us? The moment we think we have it all under control and we let go of His hand, we slip and fall flat on our face! How many of life's scrapes and boo-boos could we avoid if we would only hold tight to His loving, faithful and protecting hand.

I hope it doesn't seem like I am overspiritualizing such a small thing. Thank goodness my Lord uses the simple things to speak to me or I might never get it!

The ABC's of Gratitude

2007-11-08T13:42:00.001-08:00

The ABC’s of Gratitude!
Many years ago, at a luncheon for women, I spoke on the topic The Power of Gratitude. I shared my testimony about my first experience with depression and how I overcome it by starting a gratitude journal.
I sometimes still have to remind myself how important it is that our focus stays on what we have and not what we don’t. Life becomes a pretty beautiful place when we realize just how much we have been given.
There used to be a Christian radio station that played the ABC game every Monday as people where on there way to work to overcome the Monday blues. The rules were that someone had to call in with something that they were thankful for from every letter of the alphabet. It was great listening to it and I always looked forward to my Monday drive to work.
That was years ago but I can still distinctly remember one woman calling in and saying the letter G for grass. Thankful for grass? She said that every time she smelt freshly cut grass it reminded her of all the times she and her family spent together in her backyard, playing games, grilling out or just being outdoors together. That made me smile.
What a wonderful perspective on life. Sometimes thankfulness and gratefulness is something we have to work at and make sure it is a strong character quality in our life.

FRIENDSHIP

2007-10-09T07:17:00.001-07:00

Friendship
The word FRIEND is defined as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. I read this definition and thought to myself, "That is not the definition of a friend". There is NO way that defines what a friend means to me.
This past weekend I had the pleasure to recall what true friendship is. Ironically some of these true friends I have not seen in over ten years. Yet there I was this past weekend surrounded by some of the most amazing women in the planet.
Now let me make one thing clear. We are not all exactly alike. Are tastes are all very different. We belong to a variety of church types and we all have our own unique hobbies. Yet there I was Saturday night looking around me at these beautiful women. Beautiful beyond just what you see in their pictures. Beautiful hearts, beautiful lives, beautiful stories.
Every one of them leaves a legacy of the person they are and of the God that they serve. As surreal as it was, I looked about me Saturday night as we laughed and cried together and I realized in that moment how blessed I was. I may only get to see these girls on occasion and certainly not as often as I like, but just the fact that I have been a part of their lives and they have been a part of mine, is a blessing I dare not take for granted. Every person there has shaped my life and inspired me in some way.
Friendship is a thing you take for granted until you lose it. It's value is priceless, it is an investment with an endless return. So to all my beautiful sisters in Christ, I love you, I miss you and I am so grateful to call you my FRIEND!..

My Fairytale!

2007-09-07T11:12:00.000-07:00

My Handsome Prince

AND

My Country Princess

Worship in Spirit and Truth

2007-08-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

Ironically you will find no greater controversy within the church world today than worship. Isn't it odd how deception comes from something that should be sacred and precious rather than something dark and unrighteous.
I have heard debates over everything from the style of music, the time alotted, conservative versus progressive and the list goes on. We complicate something that God desires from us so greatly. We spend more time analyzing worship than practicing it. It is a natural river that should flow from us without reservation. And it is a practice that should exist as much outside of the walls of a church as within them.
Worship can not exist with out a worshipper and an object of affection or adoration. Outside of that simple formula the rest is really natural. It is what we were created to do. If we were honest I think we would admit that we worship constantly throughout our daily lives. We magnify and exalt the things that are precious to us. Whether they be self, career, family or our relationships. We give honor and glory to the things in our lives that matter the most to us.
Yet when it is time to honor and exalt our Creator (the one who deserves our worship above all others), we complicate it with the things we think necessary to pay Him the greatest honor. All the while He is wanting only our hearts. The place, the sound, the style are of little consequence to Him.
He wants our hearts. Not part but the whole. We can not share our hearts with other gods and experience the blessings that come from pure worship. Sometimes we use the phrase "Spirit and in Truth" so loosely. What does it really mean. To worship in Spirit and in Truth? (John 4:23-24)
The scriptures about Spirit and Truth are not within the step by step plan of how to worship God or which song service works best. No these scriptures are within the story of the woman at the well. Jesus is telling this lost and searching woman. "but the time is coming AND IS ALREADY HERE, when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for ANYONE who will worship him that way. For God is Spirit so those who worship Him must worship in spirit and in truth."
He was wanting her everything. He was trying to tell her that He already knew her. I mean really knew her. He didn't want her rituals and offerings and traditions of worship. He wanted HER! In spirit and in truth. Not just the parts she wanted to offer but the ugly and the attractive. The hidden and the revealed. Until we offer all the chambers of ourselves to Him, we will always be left with the grasping for True Worship from a far. Desiring it, yet never experiencing it. He longs for us to worship Him and we were created to do so.
I think the controversies of worship come from the fact that we know within ourselves that something is still missing. So we complicate it with strategies and formulas that we have heard will work in our favor. We make it even more difficult when we take the simplicity and the beauty of Worship away.
Earlier I stated that the simple formula for worship is an object of affection + a worshipper. Who are what will you worship today?

Deeper

2007-08-21T06:30:00.001-07:00

I am learning new things. I am thinking too much. I am trying to catch up for the years I didn't think enough. So many things I just accepted. I thought I was full of discernment. Yet all I knew was how to surround myself with people like me. Then there is nothing really to discern.
Oh but how subtle the sway is. It comes over you slowly until you are covered in the very existense of it and it is you and you are it.
Church has always been so very important to me and I have always respected my leadership so much that I have never taken advantage of my right to question them. To question things that did not add up. Todd is just the opposite. He questions everything. I used to get so aggravated that he could not close his eyes and just walk blindly into something without examining and understanding it first. Oh to have taken the time to question and to understand and to learn beyond my own small experiences. What it might have saved me.
Now at thirty with over twenty years of knowing the Lord. I am realizing that so much of what I have seen was not TRUTH. My love for the Scriptures is stronger and deeper than ever. And to think that my desire to be "normal" by the standards of my peers, even Christian peers, has taken me to this place of such inner turmoil. To realize that man has made a business and a career out of the things God calls Holy.
Ministry. Ministry lets you see a side of people that not everyone sees. You know the whole story when the rest of the world knows only the half. You begin to see the clear politics of it. The compromises and campaigning for agendas. You begin by trying to fight it. To conquer, To make a difference. Then one day you wake up and you realize that you are just the same. You are compromising, you are campaigning and you have your own agenda. What is most upsetting is that you are making a difference. But what kind?
The results of mans agendas lead to emotionalism and hype and production and conducting. Until you realize that you really are just leading your own personal army. I don't want to lead any armies. I don't want to have an agenda. I don't want to search after some "fresh word", or "new revelation".
Instead of searching for more. I want to be stripped away. Stripped away of all that I have seen and of all I have heard. I want to lose the knowledge that I think I have until I am totally ignorant of anything but Him.
Then and only then will I be ready.

Where Have I been?

2007-07-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

I know I keep leaving the blogshphere for months at a time. It is just getting way too hard to keep up this and my myspace. And since myspace is my latest addiction, that is usually where you will find me. Check me out there at www.myspace.com/foursmiths.
This weekend we have nothing we have to do, so we decided to put the primer on in the bathrooms and dining room/kitchen, so we can paint. Finally! I mean don't get me wrong, I love our new house, but the wallpaper HAS TO GO!
My life must be pretty sad when I get excited over painting. Don't feel too sorry for me though! I love my life just the way it is. Lord knows I haven't always been able to say that.
LATER!
b

How Time Flies

2007-03-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

I know. I know. It's been way too long, but between trying to sell our house and MYSPACE. I just haven't been able to be introspective enough to blog.

Time however has not been at a stand still just because I have been absent. Here are the latest pics of the babies. Zach is 16 months today and Madelynn will be 3 years old on Sunday. What a big girl!
Sunday is the big party day and there will be lots of princesses and lots of pink!
Zach still only has one tooth and we are anxiously awaiting some new additions to his collections.
Abby is definately part of the family now and is just as spoiled as the rest of us.
Please pray that our house sells quickly and we can get relocated and settled soon in our new home.
We have had a lot of decisions to make lately about our future so as always we appreciate your prayers for our family.
We Love You All,
Betsy

A Star is Born

2006-12-19T06:23:00.000-08:00

Madelynn sang for her first Christmas program last Sunday night. It was priceless. She was not supposed to have a solo, but a solo she sang!!! Jesus Loves Me has never been sung more beautifully than it was sung at our church that night. She finished with a crescendo at the end that had everyone applauding!!! You can tell from the grin on her face that she was pleased with her performance.
I looked at her daddy and he was laughing and crying at the same time. Sappy old man!
After the children's part the adult choir performed, and I sang a solo in it. Todd said he was never prouder of his two girls. We had a great time as Todd narrated and Madelynn and I sang. We can't wait until next year when Zach gets to participate too. Pretty soon we'll have to take our talented family on the road!

Before and After

2006-11-24T08:21:00.000-08:00

Well as many of you know Zach was admitted into the hospital Wednesday. We had hopes that some breathing treatments and IV antibiotics would have him home on Thursday in time for Thanksgiving dinner. Unfortunately he was diagnosed with RSV and we were told he couldn't come home yet. It was not the way we had hoped the Smith's would spend thier Holiday and we wanted Zach to get his first taste of momma's sweet potatoes and chicken & dressing.
But God is good and today he was able to come home. He is loving the freedom to roam where he pleases and play with his toys. Thank you to all our friends and family that prayed for a speedy recovery. We are truly thankful this year!

POWERFUL STUFF!!

2006-11-20T15:43:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9r_Jo4N-aE&eurl=

Just had to pass this on!!

Is there anything better?

2006-10-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has been so long, where does the time go? We went for a much overdo vacation to Baton Rouge at the end of September and celelbrated my 30th Bday and our 10th anniversary all in one! Todd got to go to the LSU game with his dad and my kids got their first experience of tailgating. We had so much fun and the kids did fairly well with the 6 hour drive too!

You forget all that you miss about a place. I miss De Angelo's calzones, my Mother in Law's famous stew meat gumbo, and the awesome experience of HPC!!

You also forget what you don't miss. I don't miss TRAFFIC on every corner, more concrete than grass, and not being near my mom when I need her.

The kids were happy to be home and so were we.

The next weekend Todd made the kids get in their LSU Pajamas at 2:30 for the game and by 3:15 He was ready to take them out of them again. LSU's loss to Florida is still a sensitive subject in our household and it is with fear and trembling that I am even writing about it today.

We have been busy with the regular stuff of life and enjoying the changing of the season. We woke up this morning to a chilly 42 degrees. Bring on the cool weather. Zach looked so cute in his little jump suit. In no time at all we will be making hot chocolate and singing Christmas carols. Until then Happy Holidays in Advance.

Love,
Betsy

Willingness To Suffer

2006-08-29T18:28:00.000-07:00

Todd here, just wanted to share some thoughts:

I heard a profound statement that has been challenging me. I have a friend who is extremely into cycling. He was involved in a conversation on the phone and sitting right next to him I couldn't help but eaves drop just a little. Even though I was not involved in the conversation I could tell what they were talking about. They were talking about how these guys can get out there in the "Texas heat" and cycle 75 - 100 miles in 3 hours and still have the desire to keep going... to win the race. My friend responded with this statement, " it all comes down to who is willing to suffer the most." Wow!!!!!!! The preacher in me loves hearing things like this because obviously it is a great illustration. However, the person, the man in me hates to hear things like this because it hurts. I hate it because it challenges, it exposes, it makes me uncomfortable. Following Christ is all about running to him with an increasing pace. During a race the cyclist body is screaming at them to "STOP". During the Christian race our flesh screams at us telling us to give up and to give in. The racer knows that he belongs at the Finish Line, The racer knows that he did not start this race just to give up but to win. He pushes through the pain the " suffering" and focuses on the joy of crossing that finish line. His willingness to suffer is the very thing that enables him to finish his race.
Our willingness to suffer with Christ will be the very thing that takes us home. Count it all Joy!!!!!
Romans 18:1 / James 1:2

Changes

2006-08-11T17:39:00.000-07:00

Well this was a week of changes for all the Smiths'. I started back work full time, a heart wrenching decision for our family. A choice like this is not made easily or quickly. We came to the decision that we were making the right change at the right time. THANK GOD for Mrs. Suzanne who has become the Smith Family Knight in Shining Armor! She cares for our babies like they were her own and without her we couldn't have come to the decision with any peace. She is a true Godsend to us.
Though I have shed many a tear over this past week, my kids seem to be adapting much better than I am. A blessing and a curse I guess. You want your kids to be happy about where they are going to be during the day, yet I struggle with also wishing they would be miserable without Mommy.
The first day Madelynn was exhausted from playing with all her new friends and was asleep by 8:15. Mommy was exhausted too and went to sleep as soon as she did! By the end of the day today I was feeling better about our shaky routine and beginning to feel like we might all survive.
God Bless all you working moms out there, the choice is one that only you can make and many times you are plaqued with all those "Aren't your kids more important?" comments. My kids are the most important thing and my reasons for going to work have WAY more to do with them than with me!! Good Luck to all you families out there trying to juggle family, work, church, friends, marriage and maybe squeeze a minute in there once in a while for yourself.
Keep this Smith family in your prayers as we are still learning to adjust and learning to juggle. Ours is an ever moving target!

So Blessed

2006-08-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

Well, well , well, I can officially call myself a blogger. This is Todd by the way. This is the first time I have done this. Betsy is very hesitant to let me do this as I am not as gifted in the area of overrated things like correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. I have enjoyed so much reading Betsy's blog and thought it was about time to let people hear from her other half.
Last Sunday Madelynn was at her Maw Maw's house so it was very quiet not having the 2 year old running crazy in the house. Betsy was playing the piano and singing some old Hillsong's music. Zach and I went outside to sit on the bench. We listened to Betsy sing and play the piano. It was so incredible and peaceful. As I sat outside, held my son and listened to my wife sing I felt like all was right. I felt like the luckiest man on the face of the earth to have such a beautiful family. It was such a beautiful picture of God's Grace and Mercy in my life. To be so blessed despite all the wrong I have done. To feel so peaceful. To feel so hopeful for the future despite my past. And to be so excited what else God has in store. I could go on and on describing the sense of pride I have for my family and the thanksgiving I give to God for all of His great blessings. Take time today to sit back, look around , count your blessings and give thanks to God.

105 & Who Cares?

2006-07-21T11:37:00.000-07:00

Here in East Texas we have had a week or more of 100 degree weather. The last few days have been 105 with a heat index of 108. I would rather eat spinach then do anything outside in the middle of the day. As you can tell, my kids however seem oblivious to my extreem discomfort. They love being out there and it is quite a struggle to keep them indoors all day.

Zach loves the water and his swing but Madelynn's all time favorite past time is playing in the dirt with the dogs. The dirtier she gets the happier she is. (So much for my dainty little girl). So until the summer ends I guess my days with be filled with sitting in the shade with an Ozarka bottle fanning myself while my kids giggle with delight. I couldn't think of anything better!

Cousins

2006-06-21T04:14:00.000-07:00

Every childhood memory I have is laced with memories with my cousins. We did everything together. I wish that Madelynn and Zach had cousins who lived closer and were closer in age. I am blessed though that the cousins they do have don't seem to care one bit how little they are and are happy to enjoy what little time they get together. This weekend we met the Smith's/Fontenot's at Emerald Hills near Toledo Bend. We had a GREAT time!

I will be the first one to admit that roadtrips with my kids is nothing I look forward to but the weekend made it well worth the stress. The kids were so worn out from the weekend that it made the trip home much easier than the trip there.

Todd was more than a little sad to leave and I perfectly understand. I can remember how I would feel driving down the long driveway of my parents house after we would come for a visit here. It is a most miserable feeling. Like he said if only there was a way to see them without it being so difficult. I know he enjoyed spending time with his dad on the golfcourse and eating his mom's homemade icecream is sure to make anybody homesick. I told him we were well overdue for a LONG visit in BR and as soon as he can take his vacation in the fall we need to make plans to go for 4-5 days instead of just a weekend trip. He readily agreed.

In a few years the kids will be older and although the trip won't be any shorter it will at least be a little more bearable. Until then we will savor the special times we can enjoy together and count them a blessing!

Mother's Day

2006-05-29T17:52:00.000-07:00

A 96 Hour Virus

2006-05-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

I have discovered there is something worse than the 24 hour virus, Multiplying that with a family of four. I woke up early Thursday morning with a feeling that something wasn't quite right. It didn't take long to confirm my suspicions and by 8 am that morning I was in the ER with severe vomiting and diarrhea. Thank goodness for a mom who will drop everything and come running when tragedy strikes the Smith house. Todd made it home around 11 and took charge of the household while I was quarantined to the bedroom. The only thing harder than being sick when you are a mommy is listening to your two year old cry because mommy can't play with her.

I managed through Friday and although I was still not feeling up to parr, my only consolation was that Todd and the kids were feeling fine. Unfortunately, I spoke to soon. At one o'clock the next morning Todd and I were awakened by Madelynn's blood curdling screams. I knew instantly that something was wrong. Todd made it to her first and she threw up all over him. He changed his shirt and I sent him back to bed to listen for Zach while I nursed Madelynn. Bless her heart, the rest of the night she threw up about every 20 - 30 minutes. I felt powerless because all I could do is hold her and rub her back and hold a towel for her. Thankfully finally around 5 the Phenergan started to kick in she stopped throwing up. She was so weak that after the first or second time she got sick I would have to hold her up to make sure she didn't choke because she would just lay there while she was throwing up. Needless to say there wasn't much rest for me that night and when Todd got up with Zach at six he instisted I go to bed for awhile.

I slept till about 7:30 and got up concerned about how Madelynn was doing. Like most toddlers not understanding about sickness she was up acting like nothing had happened. About every hour or two she would get really quiet and ask to watch a movie and several times she wold end up falling asleep. (For those of you well aquainted with my daughter you know she must have been sick).

Well to make a long story short Zach got sick by Sunday morning and Todd by Sunday evening. He and Zach are camped out in the back bedroom right now resting as it usually leaves you pretty weak for a day ot two after.

As sick as I felt on Thursday I would have to say that there is no greater pain than watching the ones you care about suffer and not be able to do anything for them. I think back to all the times as I child that I was sick and that my brothers were sick and wonder how my mom had the strength to put one foot in front of the other somedays. There must be a supernatural strength given to Mothers for this very purpose. Todd and I both came from families were both parents worked and although I stay at home right now I have GREAT appreciation for all working mothers (especially since I did it with Madelynn). Todd and I were both blessed that our parents were the type that willingly struggled to give us the best even though the cost was often great. What it created in us, is a consistent work ethic and a strong sense of responsibility that is severely lacking in our society today. I hope that we will be able to set the same examples for our children because they too deserve the best!

Be it ever so humble There's no place like home

2006-05-21T03:32:00.000-07:00

Well if there is anything I learned from our trip to San Antonio last summer, it's that you shouldn't take little ones on vacation for days at a time because they just don't like being away from home that long (especially in a hotel).

So mom and I and the two kids loaded up the mini van Friday for a mini vacation in East Texas. The day started at the Discovery Science Place in Tyler. Although Madelynn is only two she had a blast and could have stayed there all day. I knew better though and instisted that nap time was more important. We headed to Luby's for some good food and veggies (too much fast food gets old for everyone).

Then we were off to the children's park (mostly for a few pictures) the water falls are beautiful and so are the statues. If you are ever in Tyler Texas it is a don't miss for sure. By 1:30 we were settled into our room at the Wingate and ready for some serious napping. Of course Zach had slept in the van so he was wide awake while Madelynn slept which meant no rest for Mommy (such is life).

When Madelynn woke up we took the kids swimming in the indoor pool and it was Zach's first time. He loved the water and in fact he almost fell asleep just floating on the water. I always loved the water too and I think he will be like me.

After all the swimming it was Chuck E Cheese time. I'm am glad that Madelynn had a good time on all the rides, but I must say they sure didn't get famous on their award winning pizza. Those people are making a fortune. Nasty pizza, cheap games, cheap prizes that take at least 1000 tickets to purchase and you win like an average of 2 tickets a game. Oh well I guess the kids liked it so who cares.

That night my brother came to visit and Zach really liked that. He definitely was fascinated with him. He pretty much takes to anybody willing to talk to him and make funny faces.

The next morning we checked out and headed for Jacksonville to go to a drive thru Safari called Cherokee Trace. Madelynn loved seeing the animals but wasn't too hip on the idea of feeding them when they got too close to the car. Zach liked the kangaroos the best and everytime they hopped he did too! His Maw-Maw will probably have the bruises on her legs to prove it.

The funny thing about our whole adventure is that I think I broke my little toe that Friday morning while I was packing. I basically hobbled from one activity to another with a throbbing purple toe as my side kick.

Well I was exhausted by the time we made it home and I could tell the kids were too since they both crashed earlier than usual. It was fun while it lasted but I have to admit there is no greater feeling then crawling into your own bed when you are tired and you've been away from home. And judging from the way my kids slept, I think they feel the same way. Like the saying goes "BE IT EVER SO HUMBLE THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!"

Mother's Day

2006-05-15T09:38:00.000-07:00

Well Mother's Day has come and gone and I have to say I feel like the whole weekend was one big Mother's Day. Todd and Madelynn went shopping Friday night and Zach spent the night with Maw-Maw. I should have learned by now to sit and chill when you get these rare moments of peaceful bliss, but I spent most of the evening straightening up (which for me is sometimes just as relaxing). Todd came home and like a kid before Christmas couldn't wait to give me my gifts.

I got some new cannisters for the kitchen, a CD and my favorite new candybar. The TAKE 5. If you haven't had a TAKE 5 yet, I recommend you get one as soon as possible. Some creative genius decided to put chocolate, peanut butter, caramel, peanuts, and pretzels all together and make the greatest invention in my opinion since the curling iron. Now I know what you are thinking, "Isn't that kind of an overload to the tastebuds?" That my friends is the genius, each bite has the perfect amount of each element. As you can tell I have done extensive research!

Back to Mother's Day weekend.....Saturday we got up, packed the van, picked up Zach and we were off to Mineola for Mineola May Days, we enjoyed the booths and food and smelled the great smells coming from all the different pits at the BBQ cook-off. Madelynn rode the Merry Go Round and several other carnival rides. Zach mostly just sat in the stroller but he did perk up when we went to watch the pet show. We made sure to get the kids nice and tired and like always we enjoyed a quite ride home as they both slept.

By the time Sunday arrived I was almost tired of the all the festivities. I had to bring a special gift to a friend at church along with two corsage boxes, a Mother's Day gift and card for Mom, my purse, my CD for the special at church, a tape someone had asked to borrow, 2 diaper bags, an extra bottle of formula, and Zach's baby food for lunch. I get tired just reading the list much less packing it all in the van. At least I didn't have to make lunch. Todd treated the family (along with my Mom) to lunch at the Country Buffet in Mineola. We thought we'd try and beat the church crowd, but I guess everyone had the same idea. Boy was it crowded. This time Madelynn went to Maw-Maw's and Zach slept on the way home with us.

I wish I could say that I had time to sit and reflect on the joys and pains of Motherhood but I'm lucky I remembered to brush my teeth. Besides Sunday night was the finale of Survivor!!! Don't even get me started on that. I will save my thoughts on Terri being the most deserving of all the survivor contestants thus far for another day.

Until then!

A Boat, A Tractor & A Waterhose

2006-05-09T15:16:00.001-07:00

My kids had a blast today! It's amazing how your children remind you that true pleasure comes from the simple things in life. We took a ride in Paw-Paw's boat, and to Madelynn she couldn't have been happier if she were on a 50 ft yacht. In fact she prefers Paw-Paw's aluminum boat because when he goes fast, she can spread her arms out against the wind and she says that "she is flying". It was Zach's first time on the boat and the rhythm of the water put him right to sleep.

Madelynn came home and ate lunch and then followed suit with a 2 hour nap. Zach woke up and got to ride with Paw-Paw on the tractor. Riding on the tractor with Paw-Paw is a BIG treat in our family and is still Madelynn's favorite past time. The afternoon ended with drinking from(which lead to playing with) the waterhose.

Moments like these may fade from their memory because they are so small but they are the treasures that I will cherish for a lifetime. I awe at how blessed my kids truly are, and wonder how any kid passes through his or her childhood without a boat, a tractor or a waterhose.

It's Raining It's Pouring

2006-04-26T06:15:00.000-07:00

Don't ever trust the weather man! No green splashes on the weather map, but boy was it coming down on our heads when we got to the zoo. I know your thinking just go home and try again later. Well after an hour long drive and one very excited little girl, you can't just give up that easy. We persevered and about 20 minutes later the clouds rolled away and the sun broke through. We had a great time and came home just in time for both the kids to take a nice long nap.

Todd and I discussed many interesting topics while on our adventure and for a weak speller he is getting pretty good at speaking the all too familiar spell it out language of parenthood. Do you want some G-U-M? Should we stop at M-C-D-O-N-A-L-D-'S? Do you think she is ready for her N-A-P? What will we do when that kid learns how to spell? Todd says it has certainly strengthened his spelling skills and he now stands ready to decipher any letters than come at him.

So ended the semi-vacation for the Smith's. Todd is back at work today, and I am back to the everyday caos of life. I never imagined that my stay-at-home mom lifestyle would be the hardest job I ever had. Instead of one boss I have two! There are no breaks and lunch is not always an option. Have you ever taken a bathroom break with both your bosses? Not a pleasant experience but sometimes unavoidable in the life of a mom. Although I wanted this all my life I would be lying if I said I took to it like fish takes to water. It was quite an adjustment learning to spend all day with no adult stimulation and Noggin Reruns as your only source of entertainment. I am happy to report though, that I am past the adjustment phase and doing pretty well if I do say so myself. Everyday is amazingly ordinary but I wouldn't have traded 50 extra-ordinary days for the day my son sat up by himslef or tried to imitate me. No adult conversation in the world can top the way you feel when your two year old comes up and says "Mommy, guess what? I have Jesus in my heart."

Well back to the ordinary!

Until Then,

Day at the Zoo

2006-04-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of blogging for me and I would love to spend all day playing with it. However, the Smith's are on the way to a day at the Zoo!! Madelynn is so excited and not quite sure why we didn't leave at 5:48 this morning when she woke up. We're still working on that whole time issue with her. 1 hour , 10 minutes, 2 weeks are all still relative terms to her. Oh to be so carefree!!!!

Zach could care less where we go because he just recently discovered he has ten toes. This is a big deal in the world of a 5 month old. Anyway, the King of the castle has left for a quick hair cut and then we are off. I am sure I will have lots of exciting stories to post from our adventure.

Until Then,