Day Dreams

Do you day dream? Do you  have dreams about your future that you have carried with you for decades?

 I do.

 I have always dreamed of when I am older. I mean like GRANDMA older.

I have a white house with green shutters that is set back off the road. I have a blonde cocker spaniel named Shug that follows me everywhere. I have a huge cookie jar full of homeade cookies that beckons my grandkids when they come to visit.

And then, I have the woods. Not the scary kind of woods that you can't see into. Just the serene woods that all children like to wander through. And when I am old, and my children are grown, I will walk in those woods. I will make up stories to tell my grandchildren about the history of the woods and I will fuss at Shug for getting wet and muddy chasing after a little green frog.

After awhile we will return to the house with the green shutters and sit on the porch. I will drink sweet tea and sing old hymns. I will rock my grandbabies to sleep on the porch while I sing.....

"Oh Yes, Oh Yes

I'm a Child of the King

His Royal Blood 

Now Flows in my Veins

And I who was Wretched

And Poor, now can Sing!

Praise God!

Praise God!

I'm a Child of the King.

GREAT GIVEAWAY

For the four of you that still read my blog I wanted to give you the down low on a great giveaway going on at "We are that Family". If you haven't checked out this blog before, you don't know what you are missing. Follow the hyperlink below to see all the details of the awesome DaySpring giveaway.

http://www.wearethatfamily.com/2009/05/lovely-huge-dayspring-giveaway.html

An Easter Sunday Lesson

Okay so I know it is almost a week since Easter but I thought I would share with you my Easter Sunday Lesson that I learned this year.

For the past 4 weeks my family has been visiting a new church here in town. And while we have enjoyed the services and the people are precious, let's face it, starting over isn't easy. It's sometimes downright painful. Nevertheless we have persevered and every week gets easier.

Easter was going to be the Big One! Not only were we attending Sunday School (where you really let people get to KNOW you), but we were staying after the service for the children's Easter Egg Hunt and dinner on the grounds.

The wannabe Mother of the Year comes out in me on moments like this. It's as if I feel like there are imaginary judges somewhere, grading me. So of course everything had to be just right. Easter outfits for the whole family (even though they wouldn't have known if they were knew our not), perfect Sunday dishes to present for the dinner on the grounds and all with the grace and assurance of a young Martha Stewart.

I was baking a dessert the Saturday before because it has to be served chilled. So that put me ahead of the game for Sunday morning. I was also bringing chicken and dressing since it is one of my hubby's favs. I made the cornbread the night before and planned to boil the chicken early Sunday morning and pop it in the oven.

Everything started off fine. I started the chicken boiling before I got into the shower. When I got out, I went to preheat the oven and shredded the chicken. After shredding the chicken and placing everything in the casserole dish I went to put it in the oven when low and behold the oven wasn't on. How did I forget to preheat the oven? I must be losing it. No worries, I still had plenty of time. I turn the dial to the oven again and went to put the casserole dish in when much to my dismay the oven went off AGAIN! I hadn't forgot to preheat it, IT WAS BROKEN!!!!

I panicked "This can not be happening." It worked just fine last night. Any other time I could call my neighbor down the street. But this is Easter Sunday and we both discussed what all we were cooking for our Sunday dinner. I can't go to a new church and have just a dessert or a pathetic rendition of chicken and dressing. My husband saw my distress and tried to assist, but since his idea of helping was to microwave it, I thought I better just figure this one out on my own.

I kept turning it on and it kept cutting right back off. I tried to get the kids dressed while I thought up a miracle. My attitude was getting worse by the second. My poor children beautifully adorned in their new Easter outfits and hyped up on chocolate Easter everything were watching their mother turn into a psycho. It was then and there that I made a decision.

I marched into my room, closed the door and sat at my vanity. It was time to give myself a stern lecture. "Look here little girl, this is absolutely ridiculous. Today is not about perfect first impressions, or scrumptious covered dishes, or new Easter clothes or any such foolishness. Today your Savior is alive and seated at the right hand of the Father interceding for your pitiful self. That is what today is about!" Needless, to say I put my Big Girl pants on and got over it.

I brought my uncooked dressing to the church and baked it in the church's oven during Sunday School. It was just fine. I think Someone was wanting to teach me a lesson. We got home that afternoon ready to crash after a Super Easter Sunday.

..................Oh! And guess whose oven worked perfectly when she got home?

The Bible Says.....

Yesterday my daughter informed me of her latest Biblical knowledge.  

"Mommy, the Bible says you should not eat off of any one else's plate."

"It does; Where does it say that?"

"In Chapter 89"

"In Chapter 89?"

"Yeah in Chapter 89, on  the left page."

So there you have it Bible Scholars!

CONFESSION

I have a CONFESSION............

I LOVE the dollar store. It doesn't matter if it is Dollar General, Family Dollar, or Everything's a Dollar. There is something about coming out of a store with arms full of bags and not having to feel guilty about it.

It is one of my favorite pleasures in life. And really you just never know what you might find there. It is like going on a treasure hunt. I have to say I take pride in the fact that I am not too good for the Dollar Store. It has been a friend to me. Does this make me sound pathetic?

Tough Choices

Ever feel like life is a series of tough choices? Lately, I have had to make some tough choices. I have been contemplating the dreams, goals and aspirations in my life. There is a process to dreaming really. There is the birth of the dream. New birth can be difficult but extremely exciting and filled with anticipation. Then there is the life of the dream. It can be tiring at times but it is mostly filled with great joy. It is the reward of your work and perseverance. Unfortunately like all things that are born there is a death to any dream. A necessary end. Usually the mourning and loss hurt deeply. 

I have been weighing all the dreams that are spinning out of control in my head and asking myself if I have it in me to take on all these things? You see, even the greatest accomplishments come with a hefty price tag. Many times we sacrifice one thing to gain another. When you are a mother you have to be careful that your wanting and wishing doesn't come at the expense of your family.

My greatest endeavor is to "walk out my faith" in front of my children. My everyday lifestyle becomes their definition of Christianity. It is a responsibility like none other. If in my pursuit for Godly things, I neglect my precious family, have I not failed in the greatest calling in my life?

It is not easy to step back from our wants and our wishes and lay aside what is rewarding for what is necessary. In some ways it is our greatest service to Him. It is a tough choice to daily take up your cross and follow Him. Especially when the way is foreign, lonely and sometimes dark. 

A Veil of Sadness

Last week was amazing. Exhausting, but still amazing. I was in Orlando at Disney for a whole week, my mom and I with the two kiddos in tow. Todd flew in mid week and got a couple of days in at the park. 

I was concerned that getting back into the swing of things would be difficult, especially since I was so tired. Fortunately, I jumped back into the daily grind with not a moment's hesitation. I was so glad just to be back to normalcy, and truly I love my life.

That is why I was so taken back this morning. I started out with my normal morning regimen until I got to the shower part. It was as if when I turned on the water instead I was covered in a veil of sadness. Whispers from the past were all around me and out of nowhere; I was sobbing. I fought the urge to weep all morning. 

I can't quite say that the day has gotten any better as far as the emotional rollercoaster goes, but I have managed to put on my big girl panties and just work through it. 

Where does this come from? I mean how did it happen? I went to bed fine and woke up a basket case. This can not be normal. I mean is this some spiritual sign that I should be tapping into. Am I supposed to be interceding for something/someone. I just don't know.

I only know that a veil of sadness seems all around me today. Turn on the news, sadness. Co workers losing loved ones nearly every week for the last 2 months. Cancer on every corner. Loss, suffering, pain, hunger and death. The world seems bathed in affliction. And all of a sudden it seems so magnified today. Even worse my heart is breaking. 

My hope is in Him.

Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!

Okay so  it finally happened. My angelic 4 year old little girl said her first really BAD word. It is the c word, which to some is not even considered a bad word anymore, to me as a mother it is not acceptable from my 4 year old daughter's mouth. What upset me most is that when she said it, she said it with a purpose to shock and to defy me, because I had just told her that she was having a bad attitude and if she couldn't say anything nice, not to say anything at all.

I am not even going to delve into how I responded and the tirade that went on for the next 15 minutes. Leave it to say that it was not one of my finer moments. 

As with any time that my children disappoint I tend to turn introspective and start asking myself, what am I doing to cultivate peace in my home, to cultivate a good attitude and a gentle spirit? How has my attitude been as of late? I didn't really like my answers. The hardest part about parenting is knowing that these little people are at times the best and the worst reflection of ourselves. And while I am not condoning or excusing her potty mouth this morning, when I pick her up from playschool, I will hug her tightly and pray that God will give me a greater understanding of how to guide this little angel straight from my arms to His!

Red Letter Campaign

If you haven't heard of the Red Letter Campaign, here is your chance. It's so easy, just follow the steps below.

1.) Find some red envelopes (if you don't have some, make some out of red construction paper)

2.) Don't write anything on the inside.

3.) Mail to:

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500

4.) On the back write: this envelope represents one child who died in abortion. It is empty because that life was not allowed to offer anything to the world. Life begins with conception

The idea is simple. Bombard the White House with red envelopes to remind President Obama that the majority of Americans do not support his abortion policy.

I think this will be a great project to do with my little ones. I will print the labels and they can stick them on the envelopes.

Mid Week Musings

It's only Wednesday and I feel like I need a weekend already! The kids have both had a rash all week. So between the steroids that keep them up at night and the itching that keeps them up at night, mommy is one tired lady.

This weekend is Valentine's and my mom has graciously offered (okay she didn't offer but she did agree) to keep the kids for Saturday night. Todd and I are off to Dallas to the Renaissance Hotel in Downtown Dallas and we have reservations at the Y O Ranch Steakhouse.

It's only for the night, but boy am I looking forward to getting away. Just to laugh and talk without interruption! The funny thing is, that whenever we go away we usually spend a good deal of the time, talking about the kids! It is always nice to talk and plan and dream together about the future. It's a reminder that before this crazy phase of our lives we were always together and enjoying each other's company.

I have seen so many relationships through the years that seem to get "lost" during parenting. The kids grow up and move away and all of a sudden they don't know each other anymore. I am so grateful that before I fell in love with Todd he had already become one of my best friends. We have never lost that closeness. Beyond the passion and attraction that rises and falls throughout the course of time, we are each other's favorite people. And for that, I am truly blessed!

Confused

Does anyone else out there ever feel helplessly confused? I don't mean this as a rhetorical question. I welcome your comments. But as evidenced by the lack of comments as of late, I am afraid no one is even reading this thing anymore.
I am committed to this blog none the less. It is a journal of sorts for me. I look back and read things I wrote in 2006 and think, WOW. The Smith family has come a long way. It gives me some prespective at times.
As to the confusion, I wish there was a way to put it into words. I would love to do some soul searching and be able to spell it all out, but unfortunately, the more I think about it the more it enlarges.
This thing, this doubt or worry or fear or whatever it is just keeps getting bigger. It's like little bunnies in my mind breeding. Everytime I think or try not to think about it, it seems to multipy.
I think I am now not even sure how it started or what I was confused about in the beginning. It's as if doubt breeds more doubt until nothing seems real, nothing seems sure, nothing seems solid.
I am sure by now that none of this is making much sense, which is all the more upsetting. I can't even break it down into something someone can understand. Is it religion, relationships, or both. Is it grace, or faith? Is it relative or absolute? I have no idea. None of it makes any sense to me. None of the words carry any weight with me anymore. I mean really; what does it all mean?

Zachasouras

Last April I posted a letter to my daughter, and thought it was time to do the same for my son. If not for anything else but to document for later years, what they are doing and what they are into at this time in their lives. I am learning all to quickly how fast they change right before your eyes. So my little man, this is for you!

Dear Zachary,

You are three years old. My mind can barely compute how you have changed from my baby into a energetic, curious little boy. I look at you while you sleep and think back to a time a little over three years ago, as I sat in a NICU ward beside your little bin, and I begged God not to take you from me. At that moment I had only the faith to believe that God was good and He could touch your little lungs and make you well. I never imagined the joy you would become and the laughter that would fill our home because of you.

You are a night owl. You like to stay up late and sleep in late. You are usually the last one to finally drift to sleep and you hate being woke up in the morning. But once you are awake, there is nothing stopping you. You are 100% all day. You are very seldom every cranky or whiny. You are just always so much fun. You love trains and trucks but your most recent obsession is dinosaurs. You talk about them all day long. Sometimes I catch you playing in your room alone with a lap full of plastic dinosaurs and you are in another world. It is so much fun to watch your creative mind at play.

I made up a song especially for you called "Are you a dinosaur?" We sing it together now and sometimes I think we sing it 100 times a night.

You love to go to church and you love to sing at church too! I think sometimes you might even love to sing more than Madelynn. I must confess I dream of the day that we might all be singing in church together. Whether that becomes a reality or not, my greatest wish is that we will always be in church together. Loving Jesus and loving each other. That your love for Him will grow bigger and bigger, right before my eyes, Just as your little self keeps growing too.

I am trying to embrace every day I have with you and your sister. Knowing that all too soon, you will be grown and this very special time will just be a memory. So while I have you here so close to me, I will love you with all I have, and thank my Heavenly Father for the gift He gave me in you!

I love you my little Zachasouras!

Merry Christmas Anna!

Well it's the Christmas season and this is the first year I can ever remember not being absolutely overwhelmed by the holidays. We have recently started attending a new church and so the new start meant we weren't committed to 100 different things throughout the holidays. God in His sovereignty new that my little guy would be having surgery even before I did and then all my commitments would have gone out the window anyway.

I am trying to be a little deeper this Christmas, not just taking the season for the usual. Jesus is the Reason, Wise Men Still Seek Him, and Mary Did You Know, have lost their effect on me. I began to study the story in Luke. I have read it and re-read it, and something new has come so alive to me.

It is the small mention of a very significant person towards the end of the story. Her name is Anna and she was a prophetess. She was widowed and spent the rest of her life dedicated to worship, prayer and fasting in temple. She was the first woman to look at the baby, still in infancy and see Him for what He really was, her long awaited Redeemer.

The Shepherds were sent by the angels, the Magi followed a star, but in an instant, just one glance, Anna knew the Messiah. Even as a babe, she knew He was her Savior. She went throughout the temple rejoicing and telling of His significance. That small story leaves me asking myself so many questions.

How many people were at the temple that day? How many passed Joseph and Mary, congratulated them on their new arrival and never knew He was the Christ? How many times do I go to the house of God (the temple) out of ritual or routine and pass right by the Savior? How many lives are committed to prayer the way that Anna was? The veil was not yet torn, she could not experience the very real presence of God the way that I can, yet she worshipped continually because of who He was, the God of Moses, the God of Abraham. She worshipped with her whole life and in return she saw the Son of God years before the rest of the world even cared that He existed.

This Christmas season I am focusing less on the typical holiday banter and going deeper. I want to know that I will recognize Him when I see Him. I want to be that close to Him. I want to know His voice. I don't want to miss Him this Christmas.

Out on a limb

Okay so I am going out on a limb here. I think there are many people with lots of opinions and emotions today based on the results of the elections. I am not ashamed in the least to say that the president elect is NOT the man I gave my vote to. BUT, there is something that compels me to write in the wake of the MANY emails, comments, ect.... that I have read already in regards to my view of what to do now.

I don't believe there is any confusion as to what the Word of God has to say in regards to what are duty is now. It is I am afraid something that some will find impossible to submit to. We are now to pray for our leader. Before you argue, I urge you to see what the Scripture instructs us to do in I Timothy 2:1-4.

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving bemade for everyone—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

If ever there was a time to pray for our leader it is now. Re-read the last part of verse 4. "who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth."

Winds of Change (Part 2)

Many months back I shared about the Winds of Change and how I felt so strongly that the Lord was saying to be prepared for the Winds of Change to come. I knew He was saying to me "Be prepared for not just a small breeze that refreshes and soothes the soul, but a strong forceful blowing wind that unsettles and "messes up" the normal condition of things."
I believe that in His infinite wisdom He was preparing me then for the things I couldn't see. the winds of change have come and the storm has blown and blown fiercely. Things have been torn down that will never exist the same way again. Yet in the midst of the uncertainty and the aftermath of the windstorm, I still know that God knew what He was doing!
I don't have to understand the why to know that He is working it all for my good. And even in the midst of the storm, I can truly say that when He speaks, "Peace, be still!" The winds do obey.
So to all my friends out there in the midst of their own storms, Hold on Tight! Collect what can be redeemed from the debris and what God has torn to pieces......Leave it There!!!

Dreams

Falling Falling

Dreams are falling

Tumbling to the Ground

In the midst of

Dying Dreams

God's purposes are found

Rising Rising

Hope is rising

from my heart to His

Within the will of

The Divine

I'll do just as He bids

Ending Ending

Never Ending

is His love for me

and if I will but

Follow Him

I'll live Eternally

Betsy Smith

A Little Trip to Branson

Well the Smith's just returned from the Ozarks and we had a blast. We got there Thursday evening and unpacked, ate a quick supper in the condo and then headed to the pool.

When we woke up Friday we headed out for Silver Dollar City and spent the day there. We had so much fun and there was really something there for the whole family.

Saturday started out at the IMAX theatre and then on to the Butterfly Palace. After naps we went out to eat and to the Toy Museum. Our trip home Sunday was long but the kids did so well. They have gotten so much better about traveling.

We were so disappointed at first about Hurricane Ike messing up our plans to go to Galveston, but I truly don't think we could have had any more fun than we did in Branson. It is a trip we will do many more times through the years I am sure. Thanks to everyone that prayed for us to have a good trip. We so enjoyed our special time away!

Philippians 2:14

Recently we have been trying to overcome a whining/crying hurdle with our 4 year old, Madelynn. Typically she is a high energy child with lots of creativity and expression. This week she has been abnormally busy for one little 4 year old and I fear that her tiredness has turned into a case of constant crankiness. I let her sleep in this morning and made her take a nap too, but it's seems the crankies are here to stay. She has cried like a PMS nightmare all day.

I have tried everything. Extra cuddling and reassurance. Talking her through her emotions to get to the root of what is really bothering her. Tonight she just went back and forth from me and her dad crying, whining and begging to be held, sung to and rocked.

Finally after the 5th emotional outburst I had had it! I said "That's it Madelynn. I don't know what you want, you don't know what you want. I am tired of trying. Just go to bed." (Now, while there was some wisdom in the fact that at this point she probably needed another nights sleep more than anything else, I was struck with my own hypocrisy within that statement. )

How many times have I had the same attitude with my Heavenly Father, crying and complaining and sometimes not even clear why I am not thankful for all He has done for me? I have begged and demanded, whined and complained. Yet never once has He said "That's it, I am done with you." Oh to have His long suffering.

So while I am far from where I need to be as a mother or as His child, I will wake my sweet daughter in the morning with a kiss on her sweet face. But while she sleeps tonight, I will kneel by her bed and pray that God gives me the patience that only comes from His Spirit, and the wisdom to be the example to my children that He has commanded me to be.

"Do all things without murmuring and complaining." Phil. 2:14

Together

May we always remember that life works better together than apart. Life was meant to be shared. Sharing is hard sometimes. Hard for small children and sometimes harder for adults. God give us the ability to share what we have and learn to ask for what we have not.

Perfect Peace

Back in 1993, (wow 15 years ago) in Mr. Anzivino's Bible class we memorized a short scripture in Isaiah 26:3. I had no idea then how much that one little scripture would impact my life.

"He will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Him, because He trust in Him."

This scripture has become like a prescription for my spirit man. Anytime I began to have anxiety or feel lost, I stop and ask myself? "Is your mind stayed on Him?", many times the answer is a resounding "NO!!!"

Even in the middle of the night, when I wake with a start after a bad dream, or I am awake wishing I could sleep, but worrying over some financial matter, or child's illness, I began to meditate on this scripture and force myself to replace the worries with thoughts or scriptures about Him.

Through the hardest trials in my life I begin to double up on my prescription so to say. More quiet time, more personal devotion, worship music in the morning as I dress for the day, bathing myself in the Word and with prayer. By taking this scripture literally I have been able to learn that "Perfect Peace" comes with "Perfect Trust". The trusting is always the hard part.

When covered by His presence and with the Word, the trusting does come easier though, and once the trusting starts the peace always follows.

"Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His Word

Just to rest upon His Promise

and to know"Thus Saith the Lord!"