Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!

Okay so  it finally happened. My angelic 4 year old little girl said her first really BAD word. It is the c word, which to some is not even considered a bad word anymore, to me as a mother it is not acceptable from my 4 year old daughter's mouth. What upset me most is that when she said it, she said it with a purpose to shock and to defy me, because I had just told her that she was having a bad attitude and if she couldn't say anything nice, not to say anything at all.

I am not even going to delve into how I responded and the tirade that went on for the next 15 minutes. Leave it to say that it was not one of my finer moments. 

As with any time that my children disappoint I tend to turn introspective and start asking myself, what am I doing to cultivate peace in my home, to cultivate a good attitude and a gentle spirit? How has my attitude been as of late? I didn't really like my answers. The hardest part about parenting is knowing that these little people are at times the best and the worst reflection of ourselves. And while I am not condoning or excusing her potty mouth this morning, when I pick her up from playschool, I will hug her tightly and pray that God will give me a greater understanding of how to guide this little angel straight from my arms to His!

Red Letter Campaign

If you haven't heard of the Red Letter Campaign, here is your chance. It's so easy, just follow the steps below.

1.) Find some red envelopes (if you don't have some, make some out of red construction paper)

2.) Don't write anything on the inside.

3.) Mail to:

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500

4.) On the back write: this envelope represents one child who died in abortion. It is empty because that life was not allowed to offer anything to the world. Life begins with conception

The idea is simple. Bombard the White House with red envelopes to remind President Obama that the majority of Americans do not support his abortion policy.

I think this will be a great project to do with my little ones. I will print the labels and they can stick them on the envelopes.

Mid Week Musings

It's only Wednesday and I feel like I need a weekend already! The kids have both had a rash all week. So between the steroids that keep them up at night and the itching that keeps them up at night, mommy is one tired lady.

This weekend is Valentine's and my mom has graciously offered (okay she didn't offer but she did agree) to keep the kids for Saturday night. Todd and I are off to Dallas to the Renaissance Hotel in Downtown Dallas and we have reservations at the Y O Ranch Steakhouse.

It's only for the night, but boy am I looking forward to getting away. Just to laugh and talk without interruption! The funny thing is, that whenever we go away we usually spend a good deal of the time, talking about the kids! It is always nice to talk and plan and dream together about the future. It's a reminder that before this crazy phase of our lives we were always together and enjoying each other's company.

I have seen so many relationships through the years that seem to get "lost" during parenting. The kids grow up and move away and all of a sudden they don't know each other anymore. I am so grateful that before I fell in love with Todd he had already become one of my best friends. We have never lost that closeness. Beyond the passion and attraction that rises and falls throughout the course of time, we are each other's favorite people. And for that, I am truly blessed!

Confused

Does anyone else out there ever feel helplessly confused? I don't mean this as a rhetorical question. I welcome your comments. But as evidenced by the lack of comments as of late, I am afraid no one is even reading this thing anymore.
I am committed to this blog none the less. It is a journal of sorts for me. I look back and read things I wrote in 2006 and think, WOW. The Smith family has come a long way. It gives me some prespective at times.
As to the confusion, I wish there was a way to put it into words. I would love to do some soul searching and be able to spell it all out, but unfortunately, the more I think about it the more it enlarges.
This thing, this doubt or worry or fear or whatever it is just keeps getting bigger. It's like little bunnies in my mind breeding. Everytime I think or try not to think about it, it seems to multipy.
I think I am now not even sure how it started or what I was confused about in the beginning. It's as if doubt breeds more doubt until nothing seems real, nothing seems sure, nothing seems solid.
I am sure by now that none of this is making much sense, which is all the more upsetting. I can't even break it down into something someone can understand. Is it religion, relationships, or both. Is it grace, or faith? Is it relative or absolute? I have no idea. None of it makes any sense to me. None of the words carry any weight with me anymore. I mean really; what does it all mean?

Zachasouras

Last April I posted a letter to my daughter, and thought it was time to do the same for my son. If not for anything else but to document for later years, what they are doing and what they are into at this time in their lives. I am learning all to quickly how fast they change right before your eyes. So my little man, this is for you!

Dear Zachary,

You are three years old. My mind can barely compute how you have changed from my baby into a energetic, curious little boy. I look at you while you sleep and think back to a time a little over three years ago, as I sat in a NICU ward beside your little bin, and I begged God not to take you from me. At that moment I had only the faith to believe that God was good and He could touch your little lungs and make you well. I never imagined the joy you would become and the laughter that would fill our home because of you.

You are a night owl. You like to stay up late and sleep in late. You are usually the last one to finally drift to sleep and you hate being woke up in the morning. But once you are awake, there is nothing stopping you. You are 100% all day. You are very seldom every cranky or whiny. You are just always so much fun. You love trains and trucks but your most recent obsession is dinosaurs. You talk about them all day long. Sometimes I catch you playing in your room alone with a lap full of plastic dinosaurs and you are in another world. It is so much fun to watch your creative mind at play.

I made up a song especially for you called "Are you a dinosaur?" We sing it together now and sometimes I think we sing it 100 times a night.

You love to go to church and you love to sing at church too! I think sometimes you might even love to sing more than Madelynn. I must confess I dream of the day that we might all be singing in church together. Whether that becomes a reality or not, my greatest wish is that we will always be in church together. Loving Jesus and loving each other. That your love for Him will grow bigger and bigger, right before my eyes, Just as your little self keeps growing too.

I am trying to embrace every day I have with you and your sister. Knowing that all too soon, you will be grown and this very special time will just be a memory. So while I have you here so close to me, I will love you with all I have, and thank my Heavenly Father for the gift He gave me in you!

I love you my little Zachasouras!

Merry Christmas Anna!

Well it's the Christmas season and this is the first year I can ever remember not being absolutely overwhelmed by the holidays. We have recently started attending a new church and so the new start meant we weren't committed to 100 different things throughout the holidays. God in His sovereignty new that my little guy would be having surgery even before I did and then all my commitments would have gone out the window anyway.

I am trying to be a little deeper this Christmas, not just taking the season for the usual. Jesus is the Reason, Wise Men Still Seek Him, and Mary Did You Know, have lost their effect on me. I began to study the story in Luke. I have read it and re-read it, and something new has come so alive to me.

It is the small mention of a very significant person towards the end of the story. Her name is Anna and she was a prophetess. She was widowed and spent the rest of her life dedicated to worship, prayer and fasting in temple. She was the first woman to look at the baby, still in infancy and see Him for what He really was, her long awaited Redeemer.

The Shepherds were sent by the angels, the Magi followed a star, but in an instant, just one glance, Anna knew the Messiah. Even as a babe, she knew He was her Savior. She went throughout the temple rejoicing and telling of His significance. That small story leaves me asking myself so many questions.

How many people were at the temple that day? How many passed Joseph and Mary, congratulated them on their new arrival and never knew He was the Christ? How many times do I go to the house of God (the temple) out of ritual or routine and pass right by the Savior? How many lives are committed to prayer the way that Anna was? The veil was not yet torn, she could not experience the very real presence of God the way that I can, yet she worshipped continually because of who He was, the God of Moses, the God of Abraham. She worshipped with her whole life and in return she saw the Son of God years before the rest of the world even cared that He existed.

This Christmas season I am focusing less on the typical holiday banter and going deeper. I want to know that I will recognize Him when I see Him. I want to be that close to Him. I want to know His voice. I don't want to miss Him this Christmas.

Out on a limb

Okay so I am going out on a limb here. I think there are many people with lots of opinions and emotions today based on the results of the elections. I am not ashamed in the least to say that the president elect is NOT the man I gave my vote to. BUT, there is something that compels me to write in the wake of the MANY emails, comments, ect.... that I have read already in regards to my view of what to do now.

I don't believe there is any confusion as to what the Word of God has to say in regards to what are duty is now. It is I am afraid something that some will find impossible to submit to. We are now to pray for our leader. Before you argue, I urge you to see what the Scripture instructs us to do in I Timothy 2:1-4.

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving bemade for everyone—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.

If ever there was a time to pray for our leader it is now. Re-read the last part of verse 4. "who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth."

Winds of Change (Part 2)

Many months back I shared about the Winds of Change and how I felt so strongly that the Lord was saying to be prepared for the Winds of Change to come. I knew He was saying to me "Be prepared for not just a small breeze that refreshes and soothes the soul, but a strong forceful blowing wind that unsettles and "messes up" the normal condition of things."
I believe that in His infinite wisdom He was preparing me then for the things I couldn't see. the winds of change have come and the storm has blown and blown fiercely. Things have been torn down that will never exist the same way again. Yet in the midst of the uncertainty and the aftermath of the windstorm, I still know that God knew what He was doing!
I don't have to understand the why to know that He is working it all for my good. And even in the midst of the storm, I can truly say that when He speaks, "Peace, be still!" The winds do obey.
So to all my friends out there in the midst of their own storms, Hold on Tight! Collect what can be redeemed from the debris and what God has torn to pieces......Leave it There!!!

Dreams

Falling Falling

Dreams are falling

Tumbling to the Ground

In the midst of

Dying Dreams

God's purposes are found

Rising Rising

Hope is rising

from my heart to His

Within the will of

The Divine

I'll do just as He bids

Ending Ending

Never Ending

is His love for me

and if I will but

Follow Him

I'll live Eternally

Betsy Smith

A Little Trip to Branson

Well the Smith's just returned from the Ozarks and we had a blast. We got there Thursday evening and unpacked, ate a quick supper in the condo and then headed to the pool.

When we woke up Friday we headed out for Silver Dollar City and spent the day there. We had so much fun and there was really something there for the whole family.

Saturday started out at the IMAX theatre and then on to the Butterfly Palace. After naps we went out to eat and to the Toy Museum. Our trip home Sunday was long but the kids did so well. They have gotten so much better about traveling.

We were so disappointed at first about Hurricane Ike messing up our plans to go to Galveston, but I truly don't think we could have had any more fun than we did in Branson. It is a trip we will do many more times through the years I am sure. Thanks to everyone that prayed for us to have a good trip. We so enjoyed our special time away!

Philippians 2:14

Recently we have been trying to overcome a whining/crying hurdle with our 4 year old, Madelynn. Typically she is a high energy child with lots of creativity and expression. This week she has been abnormally busy for one little 4 year old and I fear that her tiredness has turned into a case of constant crankiness. I let her sleep in this morning and made her take a nap too, but it's seems the crankies are here to stay. She has cried like a PMS nightmare all day.

I have tried everything. Extra cuddling and reassurance. Talking her through her emotions to get to the root of what is really bothering her. Tonight she just went back and forth from me and her dad crying, whining and begging to be held, sung to and rocked.

Finally after the 5th emotional outburst I had had it! I said "That's it Madelynn. I don't know what you want, you don't know what you want. I am tired of trying. Just go to bed." (Now, while there was some wisdom in the fact that at this point she probably needed another nights sleep more than anything else, I was struck with my own hypocrisy within that statement. )

How many times have I had the same attitude with my Heavenly Father, crying and complaining and sometimes not even clear why I am not thankful for all He has done for me? I have begged and demanded, whined and complained. Yet never once has He said "That's it, I am done with you." Oh to have His long suffering.

So while I am far from where I need to be as a mother or as His child, I will wake my sweet daughter in the morning with a kiss on her sweet face. But while she sleeps tonight, I will kneel by her bed and pray that God gives me the patience that only comes from His Spirit, and the wisdom to be the example to my children that He has commanded me to be.

"Do all things without murmuring and complaining." Phil. 2:14

Together

May we always remember that life works better together than apart. Life was meant to be shared. Sharing is hard sometimes. Hard for small children and sometimes harder for adults. God give us the ability to share what we have and learn to ask for what we have not.

Perfect Peace

Back in 1993, (wow 15 years ago) in Mr. Anzivino's Bible class we memorized a short scripture in Isaiah 26:3. I had no idea then how much that one little scripture would impact my life.

"He will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Him, because He trust in Him."

This scripture has become like a prescription for my spirit man. Anytime I began to have anxiety or feel lost, I stop and ask myself? "Is your mind stayed on Him?", many times the answer is a resounding "NO!!!"

Even in the middle of the night, when I wake with a start after a bad dream, or I am awake wishing I could sleep, but worrying over some financial matter, or child's illness, I began to meditate on this scripture and force myself to replace the worries with thoughts or scriptures about Him.

Through the hardest trials in my life I begin to double up on my prescription so to say. More quiet time, more personal devotion, worship music in the morning as I dress for the day, bathing myself in the Word and with prayer. By taking this scripture literally I have been able to learn that "Perfect Peace" comes with "Perfect Trust". The trusting is always the hard part.

When covered by His presence and with the Word, the trusting does come easier though, and once the trusting starts the peace always follows.

"Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His Word

Just to rest upon His Promise

and to know"Thus Saith the Lord!"

A Letter to My Daughter

Dear Madelynn:

You are only four years old and I know you can't read this, but some day you will. I want to tell you all about the way you are right now.

You are beautiful. Not just to me but to everyone who knows you. Sometimes I watch you dancing and spinning in the sunshine and my breath catches in my throat at the miracle you are. You are girly and silly, you love picking flowers and anything to do with princesses. You love making up stories and silly songs. You are very creative.

You also have already developed a special love for your Heavenly Father. And even though there is still a lot you don't understand; you get what matters most. That he loves you just the way you are.

You are not perfect, you get cranky and whiny when you are tired and talk back way more than you should. But even in those moments, you are the most precious gift in my life.

I only hope I give you every opportunity to be all that you can be. You have the potential to be so much. Reach for the stars my love. They have been sparkling in your blue eyes since the day you where born. Fall in love with Jesus before you fall in love with anyone or anything else and He can take you all the way to the Heavens!! Literally.

I love you my princess.

Mommy

Winds of Change

Last Thursday the worship team and several of the church intercessors met for a time of worship and prayer at the new building. As I began praying and singing in the Spirit, I felt a phrase coming up within me. I began to sing about the Winds of Change. I sang that they would come and blow through the church affecting all present.
I thought later about how when a wind comes it usually changes the scenery. No one ever comes away from a strong wind with their hair all in place and their clothes not disheveled. I wonder how many times I have detoured the winds because of my own fear of the change that comes with the wind.
I studied quiet a bit in the days that followed about winds. The old testament talks often of the winds blowing from the four quarters of heaven and in Psalms it says that the winds are subject to the divine power.
I am now more certain than ever that the Winds of Change are coming and I am ready for not just the power from the wind, but the change too!

A Piece of the Puzzle

I am realizing that my biggest battle in life is the battle with myself. I fight harder with me than anyone else. To explain I should say it doesn't have to do with self-esteem or self hatred or anything of that nature.
I struggle the most with the battle of my own emotions. I wish I was one of those people that was just consistent. I wish I woke every morning ready to face the day and that I didn't feel up one day and down the next. I refuse to be lead by my emotions otherwise I wouldn't battle so hard. I don't want my day, or the way I speak to my family or my productivity at work to be determined by how I feel in that moment.
I want to be like Paul in Philippians 4:11...
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance"
I guess that it is the struggle. Contenment. I don't mean that I am not thankful or grateful for what I have. I just mean that there has always been a restlessness inside me. I want to feel settled. I don't want to feel anxious, especially when there isn't really anything to be anxious about.
I have been meditating on Scriptures and I do believe that helps, but I can't help but feel like I am still missing a piece of the puzzle.

A New Start

Well this year I can truly say that I am glad to see the holidays end. Don't be misled, it's not that I didn't enjoy them and appreciate all the gifts and family and food and festivities. Our Christmas started the Saturday before and didn't end until the Saturday after. Even Christmas becomes tiresome when it last a week.

The thing that was most alarming is that New Years came and went like just another day this year. No time for contemplative reflection or deep soul searching. We didn't make it back into town from Baton Rouge until New Years Eve and then there was the Christmas lights and decor to pack up in the attic, a grocery list to prepare and then acquire, 6 loads of clothes to wash, dry, fold and put away, unpacking of the luggage and making room for all the gifts we brought back with us. Somehow the day was over before I realized it.
Today I am back at work and wondering how on earth can I make a new start when I barely even noticed the whistle blew?
Then ever so gently I hear a familiar voice. It is just above a whisper. "Betsy, I make all things new!" A peace that passes my mortal understanding envelopes me and I know that I have not missed out. I tore out a sheet of paper and started writing furiously. A short simple prayer of blessing on these few year long goals and I suddenly have a totally new perspective.
I am ready for come what may, I have plans and I have goals but my constant is sweeter than all these......
For I know that my Redeemer lives and I shall stand with Him on that day!

You better watch out....

Let's just say not everyone was happy about Santa Claus coming to town!

Holding Hands

The other day as I was walking my daughter across the street for playschool. As we were walking up the curb to the sidewalk, my daughter started to stumble. Because I was holding her hand, I lifted her up so she wouldn't scrape her knee. I said "See why Mommy makes you hold her hand, so that I can keep you from falling."


As soon as the words were out of my mouth, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Isn't that just how our Heavenly Father feels towards us? The moment we think we have it all under control and we let go of His hand, we slip and fall flat on our face! How many of life's scrapes and boo-boos could we avoid if we would only hold tight to His loving, faithful and protecting hand.


I hope it doesn't seem like I am overspiritualizing such a small thing. Thank goodness my Lord uses the simple things to speak to me or I might never get it!

The ABC's of Gratitude

The ABC’s of Gratitude!
Many years ago, at a luncheon for women, I spoke on the topic The Power of Gratitude. I shared my testimony about my first experience with depression and how I overcome it by starting a gratitude journal.
I sometimes still have to remind myself how important it is that our focus stays on what we have and not what we don’t. Life becomes a pretty beautiful place when we realize just how much we have been given.
There used to be a Christian radio station that played the ABC game every Monday as people where on there way to work to overcome the Monday blues. The rules were that someone had to call in with something that they were thankful for from every letter of the alphabet. It was great listening to it and I always looked forward to my Monday drive to work.
That was years ago but I can still distinctly remember one woman calling in and saying the letter G for grass. Thankful for grass? She said that every time she smelt freshly cut grass it reminded her of all the times she and her family spent together in her backyard, playing games, grilling out or just being outdoors together. That made me smile.
What a wonderful perspective on life. Sometimes thankfulness and gratefulness is something we have to work at and make sure it is a strong character quality in our life.